She knew she would be seeing him. She carefully chose her clothes, something casual but eye catching. She brushed her hair and tied it looking in the mirror and smiling at herself.
She looked, searching as soon as she stepped down from the car. “Where was he?” she wondered and then she saw him, casually talking to a friend. As they neared, she felt nervous but excited. Hugs and kisses all around and finally they were facing each other. He looked at her hesitantly, and she went in for a half hug and kiss on the cheek.
“What had happened? Why the hesitation?” she thought. They were all sitting now, catching up. Her friend, Lynn was the current topic of interest. He jokingly talked to her, as they all laughed. Lynn looked in her direction and said, “What about her? Why aren’t you grilling her?” He couldn’t even look at her and instead said “We’re talking about you right now.” and laughed. “Maybe she wasn’t as interesting.”, she thought.
Her friend Rona complained of the smoke wafting to their table and transferred to the other side. She was finally next to him and inched her chair just a little bit closer. Suddenly, she was called away to talk to her old boss. As she stood with her former colleagues and boss, she glanced at him still talking with Lynn. She knew they would all go out drinking afterward. She wasn’t expecting anything. She just wanted to be around him for the evening.
As they all walked to their cars, she tried to think of a way to suggest riding with him but knew it wasn’t a plausible idea. “Don’t rush.”, she told herself. “You’ll have time later.” Time later for what, she wondered.
As they headed into the food park she looked around for him. Was he not coming after all? She felt surprisingly let down. She asked their other friend, Ivan “Is he not joining us?” “He’s coming. He just had to make a stop.”, he replied.
She expectantly waited for him to arrive. When he did, he sat opposite her. They smiled at each other shyly.
Three drinks in for her, and it was time to go home. She didn’t want the night to end. She hoped for more. They asked her “How are you getting home?” “Grab.”, she said. “But you’re drunk.”, said Ivan. Let him take you home. She looked at him shyly and he her. She blurted “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He said laughingly, “Don’t worry I’m not going to take advantage of you.” She laughed nervously replying, “You’re not the problem, I am”. She couldn’t take it back. He knew now.
Her friends, Rona and Lynn, in disbelief at what she had said, replied, “Grab is okay. She’s used to it.” as Ivan insisted, HE take her home. She was holding her phone, opening the app, doing everything slowly, hoping, just hoping he would take her home. Lynn noticing this, took her phone and booked the ride for her. It was dangerous territory, everyone at the table knew it. Yet their attraction was strong, too strong.
As they walked out the food park, they fell into step with each other. He asked her “Are you sure you don’t want me to take you home?” She wanted to say yes, I want you. I want you to take me home but her sanity and clarity still brimming to the top made her say “It’s okay, I’ll take Grab.” As they drove off in Rona’s car, she could see him and Ivan as he stood there shaking his head in regret. She smiled to herself. He’s going to text.
Rona dropped her and Lynn off with explicit instructions to make sure she was safely in the Grab car before separating ways. She thought to herself, so they also feel it. It was exciting and dangerous all at the same time.
It came, what she knew would come, his text. It was casual, a text to properly end the evening. She replied, “Thanks, next time!” “Behave next time.” he quickly replied. She knew her next reply mattered. It would tell the difference between seeing him again and not. Clouded with excitement, desire and drink she replied “Sayang”. He replied, “I like your reply.” and she knew she had officially started something.
She’s turning 40 and thinks. About her life at this very moment, what she’s doing, who she’s doing it with. She can’t help but feel happy and giddy like a teenager. Even if all of it was wrong. Her Viber pings and she knows it’s him. 12:06am. “Happy birthday crush!” “Did you wait for midnight to greet me?” she asked. “Yes, it’s your birthday I wanted to greet you.” He’s sweet she thinks.
He started calling her “crush” when he confessed that he’d had a crush on her ever since he first saw her. She was disbelieving even jokingly saying, “You’re always kidding with me.” He replied saying, “I had a crush on you since you were a trainer, imagine how long ago that was.” “We weren’t even working together then.”, she replied. “You can ask Ivan, I’m telling the truth.” “You know I can’t ask him!”, she replies. So many secrets to keep she thinks to herself then sets the thought aside.
“Hi crush! How are you?”, he asks. Still not used to having someone check on her she smiles and replies “I’m okay working as usual.” “Sorry it’s busy today. So much work.” “It’s okay.” she says. “Can you send me a pic? I want to see you.” “I’ll send one later when I have a chance.”, he says
Her Viber pings and she’s looking at a picture of him. He took a selfie in the bathroom with a slight tired frown. She laughs and replies “I love it even if you’re frowning.” “I don’t know how to take selfies and I was in a rush.”, he laughingly replies. “I’ll teach you.” she says. “Just delete it.” he reminded her. “I will.”, she says as a small jolt of reality hits her. She’s not allowed to keep this. They had agreed.
“Are there rules?” she had asked. “Like no kissing on the mouth or something?” she joked. He replied “Of course not. Wait, there is one rule. No pictures.” She adds “…or videos. We don’t need to add more evidence to what we’re doing.”
“Hi crush! How are you?” She was happy. She was always happy when she heard from him. She was on her way back from an event. “Do you want to meet?” she asked. “Yes!” he said. “We’ll finally see each other again. We’ll know now won’t we.”
She opened the glass door and looked inside. This will do she thought. Surveying the restaurant, she tried to determine the best place for them to sit without being seen. She waited.
He finally appeared next to her smiling. His smile that he smiled shyly at her. He sat opposite her and looked at her. It flustered her, his stare. They goofily smiled at each other for what seemed like a long time. Laughing they started talking. They didn’t have much time. She looked at him as he told her a story about his siblings. “Why didn’t I meet him sooner?” she romanticized.
He wasn’t the obvious type of handsome, but he slowly became more and more so, and she was falling. Falling in lust with this man, his broad shoulders and strong arms. His cocky grin and subtly arrogant jokes. All-encompassing the physical ideal she was searching for. Could it be she finally found a man who could help her?
He asked her a question and she looked at him swirling her ponytail between her fingers. He was looking at her intently making her blush. “You’re so pretty.” he said. She looked away feeling giddy.
“Don’t you have to get going?”, she asked. “What about you?” he said. “I’ll stay back and leave after you.” “So, are we seeing each other again? “he asked. “Yes”, she smiled.
She took the chance, not knowing what could happen in the days to come. She asked him. “Can I have a hug?” “Sure”, he said smiling. They stood up and hugged, a comfortable hug and he quickly gave her a kiss on the cheek.
She watched as he walked away, and she slowly sat back down. “I’m in trouble now.” she thought.
She kept wringing her hands and taking deep breaths. Her mind was racing, her heart beating fast. She was on her way and there was no turning back.
She slowly shook her head wondering what she was doing as the butterflies fluttered in her stomach and the guilt dug itself a little deeper in her conscience. The excitement was almost too much to bear. She wondered if she would faint. As she neared her destination, she closed her eyes and thought to him, waiting for her in his car. In his car where they agreed to meet. Where she had boldly suggested they go and park. The almost 2 weeks that had led up to this day was bliss. Daily conversations and check-ins, intimate jokes and excited expectations. She was finally going on a little adventure of her own. She had a secret. A deep dark secret that she wanted to keep for now. A secret that would be added to when she met him in his car to do what they had planned. She got down from her ride. She looked left and right, took a deep breath and turned the corner.
She sat in his car fidgeting. Glancing at him sideways. She wondered, how does this start? What happens next? They were making small talk. Both glancing out their respective windows cautious of the mall goers passing by, the guards making their rounds. Music softly played as the car kept its cold in the air. She looked at his profile, his muscular arm, his broad chest… He looked at her with his shy smile and she couldn’t help but smile back. She had waited 3 long years to be kissed. “Baby steps.” she told her herself. She wanted to be kissed with such great passion and she wanted to be kissed by a man, this man who she had longed for a very long time.
She thought back to 10 years ago when she was still working with him. Shaking her head, she remembered how closed off she was to people. How she would only dare to choose the fewest people possible to share with. Even then she never shared her crushes, her lust for some of the men she met. He was one of them. She found small elation in casual hellos. Laughing smiles at the many jokes he would tell. It was a light-hearted crush she kept to herself. Days at the office were more pleasant when she had a chance to see him. See him in his office hunched over his computer or talking with his colleagues.
He casually placed his hand on her leg as he told a story about work. She looked at him and smiled and he smiled back with as much excitement yet uncertainty. They knew they were running out of time. He hunched over rubbing his right arm looking out his passenger window. She finally said it, excited but shyly, “Am I going to start it?” He looked at her and said, “No” then kissed her. Their kisses were fervent, searching and hungry. She breathed deep in between kisses. She slowly placed her hand on his chest and felt him, slowly moving her hand down. She wanted to feel his chest and slipped her hands under his shirt. His arms strong, his chest tough but smooth. She was hungry for more, hungry to touch every inch of him. He held her right breast and slipped his hand inside her blouse. Prepared for this very moment and wanting his lips on her chest, she adjusted her blouse and opened the front. He hungrily kissed her and was so aroused with passion that he left a mark that she would later look at for as long as it lasted.
Her hands had lingered on his lower abdomen as she could feel the small lined patch of hair leading there. She carefully put her hands in his pants. With all eagerness he unbuckled his belt and unzipped his pants. She looked at him then she looked at him down there. She took a deep breath and he whispered, “Did you miss this?” She answered with a bow as she took him in her mouth.
He tasted heavenly, more than she thought he would. His smell, his smoothness, his largeness made her lust palpitate for more. She slowly went up and down as her tongue swirled around his length. With each down she breathed in to take in as much of him as possible. She lingered at the tip where she carefully licked his head and sucked as if it were a lollipop she never wanted to finish.
She couldn’t understand how she was wanting more. So much more. He tasted of longing, of possibilities and she wanted more. She had missed this, giving pleasure, having the power for him to want more.
She continued to use her tongue to give a pleasure that he was disbelieving but experiencing. He moaned “You’re so good”. She knew it. She slowly continued to take him in her mouth urgently tugging his pants down more which he willingly obliged to. His right arm around her, he grasped her thigh with pleasure and want. She could taste him as he started to prematurely come. She looked up at him and said “Not yet…”
He kissed her, his tongue seeking hers. She gave in and their tongues met. They kissed deeply and she held his neck bringing him closer to her. Her hand wandered back to his chest, his strong chest. He tugged at her pants, wanting to touch her but she said “No… not now.”
She glanced at him throbbing and took him in her mouth once again. Slowly up and down she hungrily went up and down. She licked and swirled her tongue at his length all the way down to where she could. She took his hand and placed it on him subtly urging him to pleasure himself. She wanted to watch. He looked into her eyes and stroked himself. She kissed his lips, kissed his cheek to his neck and breathed in deep. She wanted to remember his smell, and did he smell good. She put his shirt up and licked his right nipple while he continued to stroke. She was wanting, she could feel every part of her body wanting him inside her. Wanting to feel his throbbing inside her. She looked at him as he stroked himself up and down, up and down. He was reaching the height of ecstasy that would soon release all the pent-up excitement and pleasure they both longed for. She took him in her mouth and carefully sucked and licked the very top. She could taste him now and it tasted like a drug she never knew she wanted or needed. He was close… She watched as he released it, all of it on to his abdomen. She wanted to lick it off him, to taste him, his trademark and remember, just in case. He looked at her with pleasure and disbelief. They shyly laughed at what had just transpired.
They were both sitting now in their seats, a little more relaxed. They knew their time was up. He gestured at her for a kiss. A kiss that wanted more, that longed for more time.
It was time to part ways. He asked her where she would go. She needed time to think, to absorb and to remember it all. Every minute detail as if preserving it would make it as real as it could possibly be. He stopped the car and they looked at each other and smiled. They kissed one more time.
She was still left with the remnants of lust from earlier that day. She could still feel him on her fingertips, his taste in her mouth, his smell on her skin. She lay in bed eyes closed listening to music feeling all the sensations. The pit of her stomach still fluttering with excitement, deep lust and want lingering making a place down there.
She wanted more. More of him. She smiled at their earlier chat. “How are you? Were you disappointed?” “No.” she said. “It was more than I expected. I want you. More of you. Were you disappointed”, she asked? “No, I can’t stop smiling as I sit here. Next time it’s your turn.” he said. She couldn’t wait at the thought.
She breathed deep eyes closed and imagined their next encounter. They were standing in a dimly lit room facing each other. He puts her hair behind her ear and gazes at her as if he couldn’t believe she was there standing in front of him. She looks at him, his muscular arms and chest and can’t help but put her hands on him. They kiss. Slowly then deeper it goes. She coaxes his shirt off wanting to touch him, feel him. He slips her dress off first one shoulder then the other. She gently pushes him onto the bed and smiles a naughty smile.
This was her realm and she would do everything she wanted to do to this man in the short time they had. Her slip hanging off one shoulder she teasingly glides her forefinger from his lips down his chest to the top of his pants. She arches an eyebrow as if to say, “Pants please.” He smiles at her and unbuckles his pants freeing himself. “I want this.” she says and holds him there. He removes the last piece of clothing covering himself. “What are you going do to me?”, he asks. “Plenty.” she slyly grins.
They’re both lying on their back from exhaustion. They look at each other and laugh. Then silence. It’s time to part ways once again.
This is what she imagines will happen as she touches herself wishing it was his hand there pleasuring her. For now, this would be enough.
She sees his pictures and sees his kids, his wife as she scrolls her Facebook feed. Guilt tingles in her gut. What’s she doing to this family? She studies them and tries to make herself feel something. She doesn’t. She sees faces and nothing more. She’s just borrowing him she thinks. Nothing more.
“We’re really talking about this?” “Yes, we are”, he replied. She felt naughty with exhilaration. After 3 years of pent up lustful frustrations she was finally making plans. Plans she knew were wrong to begin with but plans she expected to fulfill nonetheless. “What’s your favorite position?” Typing… typing… “Any position as long as I’m inside you.” She laughed. She could feel his excitement at the thought, and she felt her hunger for him down deep inside. “I want to try something.” she says “…but we agreed we wouldn’t do it.” “What?” he asks. “Well… can we take a video doing stuff to each other?” “We can do that.” he says. “We’ll take a video, watch it then delete it.” he asks. “No… I had something else in mind. We would take a video of me kissing you down there then you’d watch it while I was doing it to you again and vice versa.”, she says. “Why do it again and watch?” he asks. “It feels good and you get more turned on watching me while you’re in my mouth.” she explains. “Okay.” he replies with a smiley. Did she go too far, she thinks?
It was her first time. She was nervous at the thought. She came well prepared to do this and her desire to please outweighed the pain she was about to experience. “What are you worrying about?” she told herself. Many women have done the exact same thing. Probably only a very select few were doing it for a man they couldn’t have in the first place a little nudge in her mind told her. She’d always wondered how it’d feel to be smooth and clean down there. Most of all she was excited at the thought of his mouth gliding towards the longing and aching she had felt since she saw him last. She laughed at his last message, “Enjoy!” he said. Her quick reply, “It better be worth it.”
They carefully planned it. He would make his usual run to meet up with fellow novelty enthusiasts. It was the one time he was safe to stay out even if only for a few hours. The very few hours they would have. They were both excited. Excited at the thought they would have just a little more time. That they would feel and taste each other just a little while longer. She was ready. She wanted to do it. She wanted him.
“I’m excited, too.” he replied. “I mentioned it already but they’re thinking of coming.” Her disappointment echoed in her heart down to there at the thought that they might not be seeing each other just yet. “I’ll try to dissuade them but…”, he replied. She continued his thought, “But if it’s too risky then don’t. We said we’d be careful.” “I’m excited to taste you”, he ended.
“Hi crush. We can’t meet tomorrow. They’re coming.” His message ending her Friday night on a down note. She knew they wouldn’t be able to chat until tomorrow or the following day if at all.
The pictures she sees hurt but not for the reasons it should have. She teared up at the thought that their weekend wasn’t their weekend but his weekend with them. She felt foolish. The efforts she made to end up disappointed, ashamed and embarrassed. She shook her head, “You didn’t have any right in the first place.” she reminded herself. What had she gotten herself into?
Her weekend dragged on with not a word.
“Are we still okay to continue?” she boldly typed. His reply came late in the evening. “We have to stop for now. We have an issue. She suspects something.” The dread she felt was almost unbearable. Could she possibly know it was her? Did he leave a trail? She thought he was used to this. That couldn’t be it. “Are you doing anything differently?” she asked. “Just the late-night messages but that’s probably not it.” “Let’s pause for now.” “Get back to me please.” she said. “I will, tomorrow when I’m at work.”
She hardly slept. The next day she waited and waited and waited. Thankful for the distraction, she was at an event with friends. Giving herself an ultimatum, she knew she needed to do something instead of the painful waiting she was doing. “It’s time”, she told herself.
Sitting across from her friend, she told her everything that happened. From the night they reunited to his last message. Her friend patiently listened. She knew what she was in for. Her friend will tell her like it is. What she glossed over, her friend would wipe clean to help her see the truth. As painful as it was, it was the truth. He chose. And it wasn’t her. Determined to do right by everyone and herself she cut and cut clean.
Drowning her sorrows in endless thoughts, she wonders “What if?” Did he think about her? Did he miss her? She’ll never know now.
She posts a quote she saw recently, “You and I will always be unfinished business.”
If you liked Unfinished Business, read more entries under the theme Missed Shots only here at The Ugly Writers: