The stitches and medical glue used to seal incisions. The swelling. The black and blue bruising surrounding my entire abdomen. It was too much for her. She said it all looked so painful.
On precious occasions, Margaret will share with me stories of her childhood, her teen years and stories from as recent as 40 years ago. She is a walking, talking history lesson. All of her stories have a purpose.
I didn’t feel the need to justify my beliefs but I did feel the need to let him how inappropriate his verbal attack was. I reminded him Lily was watching. He didn’t care. He kept insulting me.
I don’t want to miss out anymore. I don’t want to have a perfect house and life that looks like I have my act together when I am not able to enjoy life as it passes me by.
It is all about working through those hurts and finding a way to process them while letting them hurt a bit less every day. There is no time table.
I realized this morning as I pulled in to the parking lot, that I was filled with angst. I wasn’t nervous but realized I was apprehensive. I have spent my life encouraging, speaking truth to and guiding women, so what were all these unsettling feelings I was dealing with?
Holding on to every last moment of summer, I feel that when I put on those jeans and those stupid thick winter yoga pants, I am almost defeated.
My mother had the softest hands of anyone I have ever known. When I was small, she would stroke the bridge of my nose to help settle me in for the night. And often would do the same to assist in quieting my tears.
Against my will, the salty tears assaulted my cheeks as quickly as I could wipe them away. I just needed a good cry. I needed to dispel all this hurt and just move on. I wasn’t sure I could do this. Another gulp of air and a sob caught in my throat.
When a judgmental comment makes its way to my lips and can tell the condition of my heart is failing, I reel it back in. I reel it in. All of it. Stop myself in my tracks. Those words I am ready to share do not encourage.
Now, 5 1/2 years later, I find August approaching quickly. August 4th is a day that I will always pause and honor my mom. I will always remember her, share her life and the stories I remember with my children and anyone that will listen.