ANYE

Saying goodbye is never the hardest part. It is everything that comes after. It is getting up in the morning and reaching across the sheets to find the other side of the bed empty. It is ordering iced coffee out of habit and pouring the leftovers down the sink. It is wanting to share a good story and remembering that no one’s there to listen. It is an empty drawer and shattered picture frames, it is glass shards littering the floor and beer spilt on the floor. It is throat burning after taking too many shots and remembering him until you’re sober. It is driving past his house and having to stop the car to take a deep breath. It is replaying the moments and holding back the tears. And it’s never easy. It is having to say goodbye not once, but over and over, like a broken record.

Why, tell me why I should not compare him to a force of nature. Call me pathetic or lacking of metaphors, but he is a storm. He’s a storm in everything he does. In every way that counts. His smile is sharp edges and glass shards, and it cuts you open from the inside. There’s a fire in his heart, a passion that blooms inside him for everything he does. And it sweeps you off your feet. There is no getting away from the pull he extends to the people surrounding him. Someone like him is meant to draw you in. To keep you close and fascinate you. He‘s that kind of person who’s alive to push things and people to their limits, someone who sits back and watches as they squirm beneath his gaze. His laughter is infectious, and if you somehow found a way to do it, you would catch it and shove it into your pockets, taking that sound with you wherever you go. He’s enigmatic. He’s charismatic. He charms you with a wink and stabs you with a smile. But he refuses to stand still.

Truth is – everything we know and everything we take for granted could be gone in the blink of an eye. Everything we saw today can be different by tomorrow. Erased, vanished, like it was never there in the first place, or it could’ve left footprints, scattered remains to remind us of what we have lost. So darling, if I can give you some advice: please don’t take anything for granted, ever. Don’t stop being grateful. And don’t, please don’t stop seeing and appreciating the different shades and colours that make our life what it is, the midnight blue of sadness, the fiery red of love, the deep green of hope and the bright yellow of happiness.

Wherever you are right now, I hope you’re well. I hope you wake up in the morning with a smile on your face. I hope you still drink beer and forget to not drink too much every now and then because you’re still too lost in the moment to pay attention. I hope you still notice the little things and that you take nothing for granted, that you still remember to message your mother before going home from school and that you still call your sister on a daily basis. They all miss you terribly. I hope you still get to play billiards. And I really hope you get your smile back again. Either slowly and a little bit more every day, or head over heels and irrevocably, with the way the setting sun turns the city golden and with the greens that remind you of home. I have to confess, we all have regrets. But it doesn’t matter now, not anymore. Wherever you are right now, We all genuinely hope you’re happy. We miss you, Anye.