First of all, you don’t mend a broken heart. No, it is not a typo; rather, I typed that words correctly. Think. When you break a glass, can you still put it together to what it was before you broke it? Certainly not. You could try to glue it back but the change will always be there…visible, a reminder of the past. Same thing goes with our hearts when we lose someone or something dear…be it a pet, a friend, a family, a beloved. The heart gets broken and try as we may to stitch it back together, it will never be the same. The mark would be always present…a token of something once beautiful…something once shared.
It is a common reaction among us mankind to avoid all forms of pain. To seek and want only the things that make us happy. Yet, no life will be balanced without the bad that let us see the good. If we taste nothing but happiness then, after some time, we will no longer savor it as such; but, would soon treat it as just another activity of monstrous monotony.
I am not saying we must purposely look for pain for that would be madness. Instead, what I am trying to say is that when pain and suffering do visit us, we must welcome it as a chance to better our resolve. Amidst our misery, we must look for that one silver lining…the good that it brought us, the lesson we picked from it, the realization that will not dawn on us had we not gone through the process.
Pain is debilitating. We may want to distract ourselves with someone or something just to forget it for a while but, face it, after that wears off, we are back in the same abyss. So, what is the point of avoidance? What is the use of numbing your person when it will not change anything?
Therefore, instead of pretending that it is not there, why not acknowledge it? Why not embrace it?
Rumi said: “You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens.” There is something profound, something pure and something beautiful about breaking our hearts. We experience how it is to be human. We learn compassion. We learn a deeper kind of love and appreciation. We learn to be softer. We learn to understand not to take for granted the feelings of other living beings. That make us more humane instead of a psychologically-inept unsympathetic zombies.
Therefore, if at one point or another, you break your heart…or if you are right now nursing pain from a heartbreak or loss, here are my thoughts which I would like to share with you:
1) Do not try to forget the memories.
The more you put an effort in sweeping it under the rugs, the more it will crop up and worst, at an inopportune time which will drive you and push you back at the abyss. Rather, try to find the fine things that brought smile on your face…the ones that once made you feel you are the luckiest person on earth.
2) Remember that it takes two to tango.
When things get bad, it is easy to put the blame on the other person and to find ourselves fault-free. It is not so. It always takes two people to bring a difficult situation into something worse and irreversible. We should learn to open our eyes and own up our own shortcomings. That is something you call sense of accountability. Learn the lesson from it and try to change from within. We cannot control other people but we do have control over ourselves and our own reactions.
3) Stop thinking.
Someone told me: “Oh, it is easy for you to say because you were not the one who was betrayed.” Maybe the other person did not betray me…but perhaps, I betrayed my own self because of my own action or inaction. Truth is, someone always does the betrayal. Could be the other party…could be us. Regardless. Why beat a dead horse? Whatever it is, it is done. Why then do we have to spend so many hours, days, months and years replaying the scenario on our head?
I did say up there not to forget the memories…I meant the good ones, forget the bad, just take the lesson. Time and again, I will say this, carrying a grudge punishes no one but ourselves. Can we not notice the heavy feeling in our hearts? Can we not feel how hard it is to breathe when we are carrying that negativity in our chest?
4) Offer a prayer.
Yes, you read that right. Rather than wishing the other person ill, say a prayer for his/her wellness and happiness. That is the art of forgiveness. In the process, we are not only forgiving that someone for hurting us but, also, forgiving ourselves for the deeds we have left undone or overdone. Letting go of the baggage makes us lighter and by that, happier as well.
5) Make a choice every single day.
No person in his/her right mind would wake up and say “I want to be morose today” or “I want to be unhappy today”. Well, if we are sane, then we will choose to be happy. Consciously happy. Find something to smile about. Maybe our own reflection on the mirror. Perhaps it is that kid of our neighbor that cannot yet pronounce the words correctly. Or the dog that loves us unconditionally. Having a good sense of humor is not known to kill anyone. If you don’t have that, buy that somewhere…go and check the Amazon.
6) Live for the present.
What happened belongs to the past. Let it stay there. Only today’s worries should concern us. Forget the morrow. Who knows if we will live to see another day? So, just deal with the current situation and leave the rest for the next. I read something that said we must do everything that needs doing so that we will not regret it should we die tomorrow. Still, consider this. How can we ever regret the things we forget to do when we are already dead? Dead people do not have regrets…nor care.
But wait, maybe consciousness lives on…then maybe, could be, we may have regrets after we die. I do not know. We will all go back to the Source. How long I cannot say. What is best is to try not to intentionally hurt another living being by our words and deeds. If you wanted to climb the Mount Everest and yet failed to do so before your death, then maybe your soul could just undertake it. Do not worry. Breathe and smell the flowers. Life is short to be wasted in nursing pains and being bitter.
No one owes us anything. A kind deed must be treated like a rock we throw on the river. It never goes back and it would be impossible to find it again. So, when we decide to be kind, we forget the deed as well.
By Marisse Lee