To the girl I know who can get through anything. Dysfunctional family fights. Messed up school system. Sibling fights. Heartbreaks. Ended friendships. The worst of the worst.
Whenever the world hurts you, I know you fake a smile and keep on going as if nothing happened, as if everything’s okay, as if you’re perfectly fine, as if you’re not hurting and breaking. The thing is, I and everybody else sees you as a strong person. But the different thing with me too is that, I know you’re not and that you don’t feel strong at all. I know that someway deep inside you, you feel like you’re living a dead life, a lie, where everyone gives you more credit than what you think you only deserve. Because everyone around you sees you as a strong person, and you’re the least person they expect to crumble. Because everyone expects you to be strong so you pretend to be one. But I know when you’re all alone, when everybody’s asleep, you fall apart, you let yourself feel all the weight of the things you’ve been dealing with. Because at night, nobody sees you, nobody would care even if you cry, even if you’re vulnerable.
But that’s where you’re wrong, because I see you. I see those tears in your eyes that you helplessly try to wipe away. I see those hands that turned white and cold because of anger and frustration. I see you even if you think nobody does. And at night when you breakdown and cry, I pretend to sleep. I endure the urge to get up and wipe those tears away. I endure the worry that eats me inside and hold you close to me. I pretend not to hear your muffled cries. I pretend not to see you fall apart. Because I know you don’t have want anybody to see you that way. Because I know you will hide away if I wipe those tears.
But I can’t just stand by anymore. Because it hurts to see you cry and not be able to do anything. Because it hurts to see you hurting and not be able to take the pain away. It hurts but I love you and that’s why I want to say this to you.
“To the girl who saw me at my worst and still continue to love and stay with me,
Just like what you keep on telling me, its okay to cry. It doesn’t mean you’re not strong but it means you’re stronger because you’re not afraid to show your emotions. So love, let me borrow your words and tell it to you.
It’s okay to cry. You don’t have to be strong in front of me. You don’t have to always be okay. You don’t have to worry if I’ll leave or not because I won’t. You don’t have to worry if I love you because I do. You can drop the pretense and be vulnerable in front of me, because you know I won’t judge, but rather I will love you even more. You can talk to me when you feel like things are falling. You can count on me. Just as I can count on you. You can be just you with me. You don’t have to be strong all the time. Because this time, its not just you anymore. You have me, and it’s us. Let me be strong for you just as you are to me at times like this. Let me wipe those tears, let me take care of you. But most of all, let me love you even at your worst, at dark days, at your breaking point at your messy days.
I love you and if you’d let me, I’d like to love you even more at your worst.”