Tired

I’m tired.

I want it all to end. I’m tired of baring my soul and getting rejection in return. I’m tired of feeling hate and anger and I’ve probably called each and every saint and higher being out there to make it stop. To at least ease this pain I got from burned bridges.

I’m tired.

I wish for sleep always. I’m exhausted but I’m not. I can only live one day, one hour at a time and thinking of the future makes me cringe. Because all I see is a dark place. And the little light I get at the end of the tunnel is slowly dimming.

I want my logic to take over me. To not feel. To be numb. I’m tired of my haywire emotions, tired of controlling them and failing at the end of the day.

If I do get perfect control, everything explodes beneath the sheets.

All the tears.

All the cries of help.

All the hate and anger.

All that doubt.

All the freakin’ whys.

I’m tired.

I’m tired of getting too attached. I’m tired of being vulnerable. I don’t want to bare it all in the open anymore. Because people will always leave. They’ll be there for you with the good but can’t take your ugly side.

Because people always change. Because the only thing constant in life is change. I’m tired of how these changes have changed me.

I’m tired.

I’m tired of being a complex human with emotions. I’m tired of my decisions backfiring on me. I’m tired of all this drama, all these feelings that seem so useless for productivity. How my spark is slowly waning because of the pain I’m feeling.

I want to give up. But I can’t give you that satisfaction. Not yet, at least. I’m tired but there’s one more thing I need to do after you left me.

I need to make you feel what I felt while you kept me in the dark. After then can I only feel to be at least a bit more alive.

 

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By Nix
Visit her awesome site at Chix Mix

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