Continued from Part 1: https://buff.ly/2xN02kg
“We always have choices, we have always had choices, but we don’t always remember that we had them. It is convenient to forget we had choices.”
X: That doesn’t actually respond to my point though…. 🙂
The YM: Which point?
Sister: > Like I said, I “chose” in ignorance and innocence. <
TYM: No, I disagree. It is how you remember it. Not how it actually was. And also, your idea of choices is biased. You could have chosen to NOT accept the choices offered. This is, in essence, choosing the unknown. Like: “I don’t know what the alternatives could be, but I know one thing, these choices in front of me are unacceptable, and I will not choose them.”
When we do that, then we start looking for alternatives and create them ourselves if need be. So there is always a choice. Just not choices we remember.
Of course, in most cases, choosing that which we don’t know, is a choice we don’t want to make. It is typically an unpleasant choice. But it is a choice nonetheless.
And this is to me, not something that has come about from speculation, or inference, or calculation. It is something I know, not only from personal experience, but from specific and detailed study.
Even at the time of being a child I was aware of my own choices, and how I chose based on expediency. I saw how others did the same. There was discussion of choices. They were discarded as choices because of effort or difficulty, but they were choices nonetheless.
We make poor choices, we make choices for crappy reasons. We are ignorant because we are not Aware of what consequences would be. We are especially ignorant when it comes to what alternative possibilities could be. But just because we are ignorant of possibilities does not mean we have no choices. It just means we are ignorant of what specifically the alternative choices may be. Just because we don’t know what our choices are, does not mean they do not exist.
Being a victim is convenient. It puts the blame on others. It is extremely seldom that someone is in a position where they literally have no choice.
For instance, in your case, you Always had the choice to simply leave. I am not saying it was an easy choice, or practical, but it was a choice nonetheless. So the fact that you didn’t, means that you have to accept responsibility for that decision.
You also, for instance, had the Choice to Make the Best Of It. You had the Choice to figure out ways to make it work for you. Many many Choices. Just because one is ignorant, does not mean one has to be a victim. One always has Choices, and one of them is to remedy our ignorance of choice. You were very accepting of your circumstances. And that too was a Choice.
And that specific Choice, of “buying into the situation,” is a Choice that is hard to come to terms with, because, in retrospect it is so obviously foolish. But lol, that is the big truth, we are nincompoops, and the sooner we come to realise that the better, and easier.
When we accept our nincompoopery, which is not the same as accepting our ignorance. It is accepting that we make silly, foolish, idiotic, and crappy choices. When we do that, it changes everything.
When we do that it allows us to start a path that is real. A true Path of Learning. A Path of Self-creation and Deliberate Choice. As you did. The things is, this path can start as a child, if we choose. But, and this is a huge but, but it is my extremely deeply considered opinion that it does not matter when exactly we start on our personal Path of Independence and Self-determination. All the experiences we have had, are valuable in one way or another. That is, IF we choose to utilise them as such. We have to Choose to Extract Value from them. It is not innate or automatic. And it does not mean that past experiences are only valuable, they are other things as well, such as unpleasant, miserable etc. Or positive and happy, either way, there is much Value in them.
And, and this is a big and, and in matters like this, it is somewhat critical to not be dogmatic. We are discussing nebulous matters, and using Abstract concepts. Those are not always specific and precise by their very nature. So we have to be flexible.
Also, to realise we are dealing in Multiple Perspectives on an issue. Additional Perspectives. When it comes to subjects of this nature it is very easy for Perspectives to co-exist that seem contradictory at first. But that is often also only due to the particular perspectives we approach things from. That is the key in matters like this. We have to Shift Perspectives and look at the matters at hand from different angles. It helps enormously.
We have to make peace with the vagueness at first. It is nice to have things clear and definitive and apparently obvious. But in matters like this, it takes some time.
Also there is vocabulary. We have to be flexible there too. When it comes to abstract terms, they have a variety of meanings and associations. Similarly with expressions and statements of belief. Like this:
You: “I do not believe in learning thru suffering. Nor do I believe that one needs to learn, is here to learn etc.”
The first part of it I don’t believe is a necessity either. But, it is a persistent statement from you in connection to related perspectives.
That we Can learn from suffering is undeniable. Also that we can extract learning from suffering is equally undeniable. How it comes about or why is ofc debatable. And lol, I don’t seriously believe that you believe that we don’t need to learn. Yes, that we are here to learn I can kinda understand. Not sure what an alternative explanation would be that fits the facts as well, but that I can still understand.
🙂 So I am just saying that in matters like this, and particularly with re-framing, it is a slow business that takes time, and takes coming at the issue from many different perspectives.
It is though, a fun process. But one has to stick with it and when there is not alignment of communication, to persist and Shift Perspective and re-look at word and phrase usage, and so on.
In terms of the Overall Perspective involved, it has been a persistent theme of mine and based on your requests, I have been coming at the issues involved consistently and from many different angles. 🙂 And ofc I am making every effort to be delicate and gentle.
So it’s all good and pretty cool. Just takes Patience, and Choice.
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