Stalker

Published by Vanessa M. Enfectana on

“Stalk? Na naman? Tapos ano? Iiyak ka ..kasi nasaktan ka sa mga nakita mo? Tanga lang teh?Oh! Wag kang ano dyan! Dedeny mo pa e,obvious naman. Asa ka ng asa e! Gigil mo si aqoe”

Am I the only one who kept stalking my ex… ex-boyfriend, ex-crush, ex-love, ex-baby, and ex-world?!  Am I the only one who cried after seeing all his posts, my day, blogs and whatsoever?  Am I the only one who hopelessly wishes he could notice me and there’s still another chance… to heal those wounds, to fix the broken heart, to reconnect the “you and I”. Am I the only one who keeps on waiting for a shooting star and beg the galaxy to bring him back. And it’s been my daily routine to wait at exactly 11:11 and pray that you would be back in my arms.

I started stalking your account in Facebook, IG & Twitter. Noticing those happy post of yours, telling how badly you’re in love with someone. How that person makes your life more wonderful and meaningful. And as I continue scrolling, I finally saw a picture of you. I could tell that you’re really happy on her side. My tears started to flow. That photo slaps me to the reality that your smile no longer belongs to me. But, I still tried to hide that unpleasant truth and try my best to fool myself and tell that “she’s just a friend” though the truth is… I am the friend who kept on loving you.

I am that stupid girl, who kept on waiting for a beep on my phone hoping that it was you. I am still that person who patiently waits for your response whenever I see your name active on messenger. Keeping myself updated with your “my story” on IG and tweets on Twitter. That desperate girl who keeps on posting on “my story” because I know you will read those. Stay still until midnight waiting for any notification coming from you. Honestly, sometimes I really pray that you’ll accidentally click the wave button. Sending you some random message and say “sorry wrong sent” though I mean it, just for you to notice me.  I’m still that desperate & pessimistic person you used to know. And lastly, I am still that crazy girl who fell in love with you.

So let me end this note by asking “Am I the only one? Who never gave up on stalking my past? Am I the only one left in chain, holding to those moments when you are still mine? Am I the only one who can’t move forward because of still looking back of what we used to be? Am I the only one who kept on chasing those shattered pieces of “us”, who kept on trying to paint back that faded picture of you and me and tied with this blurry love?”

Well, while everyone hates Math for it always look for the value of X. I do understand why. I do understand the feeling when the Y gave you more idea of the value of an X.


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