the ugly writers

Battle scars

We can’t choose where we come from, but we can choose where we go from there.

Stephen Chbosky

My life has always been an open book. I grew up not being ashamed of my story because I have always proven that I am more than the unfortunate circumstances dictated by my past.

Two years ago, the world drained out the sanity I kept for 21 years. I witnessed two of the most important women in my life die in front of me. With a license as a registered nurse at hand, I really felt useless. Ever since that devastating loss, things were never the same. I was in constant search for inner peace. Venturing the world here and there, going to different places, traveling, trying a lot of new things, and simply chasing every temporary high to ease the pain. I started to rewrite my story as I please. And so, I braved my sea of doubts and decided to chase my ultimate dream and become a doctor.

The pain really changed me and eventually, I found solace in being numb especially when I find people who I trusted throwing shade at me for stories of my past. I lost interest in trying to please people or making them understand my story. If they were meant to stay in my life, things wouldn’t feel forced. I found myself loving the sound of my feet walking away from things that are not meant for me. Sometimes I just couldn’t imagine how easily I trust the wrong people, but then I learned that I am me for me and not for anyone else and that setting high walls to protect me isn’t bad after all. Everybody will always have something to say, but not everybody matters. Never stop being you and always strive to be the bigger and better person. Don’t stoop down to their level because what makes them happy is you giving a damn on how they spend time pestering your life.

This is me, with all my battle scars, and flaunting it. Because without it, I wouldn’t be where I am right now. I wouldn’t be this strong if I was not shattered into a million pieces. Putting myself back piece by piece is an everyday battle, but I’m loving it.

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Check Kea Ortega‘s very own website here, or read her previous contribution at The Ugly Writers:

the ugly writers