Hi,

I hate you. You may not know this but sooner or later you will. I don’t want to see you or be with you because you’re spoiling my limelight. I was known as a very jolly, positive, and motivated person until you came into my life and broke everything I built – my confidence, my spur, my dreams.

I despise you. There are so many opportunities coming along the way but you’re busy complaining, ignoring and taking it for granted. Before you know it, you already missed the boat. I really just want to beat the hell out of you but there’s no way I could.

I loathe you. You are so good at pulling the wool over other people’s eyes. They are very intimidated and amazed by the way you act but they are not aware about what is going on inside your head. You’re a complete disaster.

I envy you. I don’t understand why many people believe in you no matter how many times you fail and disappoint them. You’re not worth it but you still receive so much encouragement. I wish I could be you.

I know you will put all the blame on me and tell me it’s not your fault, that I can’t cut the mustard and that they like you more because you look so strong and trusted you enough with everything but believe me, I know you can’t. I know you’re laughing at me because no matter how much I want to replace you and get you out of the picture, it will be no good. It’s your season and all I can do is observe from afar.

I don’t want to argue with you anymore. It is painful to know that winning against you means losing myself too. I know you hate me as much as I hate you. You’re blaming me because I became too weak, comfortable, self-entitled, lazy, and I started all of the mess.

You were once proud of me. You look up to me but I failed. I failed you first. You told me that I am barking at the wrong tree and we should be on the same team because it’s just you and me. We should know and accept each other to work things out. So, now I understand that I cannot simply go back because you’re here now – trying, failing, and trying again. Maybe I hate you not because I hate you alone but because we are not the same anymore. I’m the past and you’re the present.

I’m sorry if I hated you and became too harsh on you but I hate myself more because I created my own monster and that monster is myself too.

Sincerely,

Your previous self