Resentment

I hate you, are you aware of that? Maybe not. I hate you because of the bad things you’ve been doing to me. I hate you because of the lies you said, the games you played, the stress you have given me. I hate you because I’ve learned to hate myself even more. I hate myself too for allowing these things to happen. I hate myself for loving you despite of your shortcomings, your big ego, your never-ending excuses, which I sadly believed in…

I hate everything that has happened, from the first lie you said, until the time came when I felt so numb listening to all of them. I hate the things I have wasted; time, effort, understanding, attention and most especially my love for you. I hate hoping – hoping that things will soon get better; that you’ll come to your senses and realize the things you will lose if you will continue doing such things. I hate putting up so much faith in you. 

The thing is, I still hate – I hate loving this much because I can’t get rid of the love I’m feeling for you. But despite of it all, I still love you and I hate it. 

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November 10, 2016

I am decisively indecisive. A paradox. A woman.

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