On Being Picky – Late Night Ramblings of An Introvert

I am very picky about who I let into my life. It’s not cause I have trust issues or Daddy issues or issues at all. I just know what I am worth and I choose to screen who gets to be there. Ask any of my friends and they will tell you. We became friends through trial by fire. There are a lot of walls to break down. Well, I don’t like referring to them as walls. I like to think of them as…..levels.

When people first meet me, it’s hard to get past the RBF (look it up). If you see me in public, you would never approach me. I guarantee it. I look mean. But maybe that comes with the mental state. Not that I am in an unpleasant state of mind, mind you. I am just very protective of my space and my personality. Because I believe that these things are exclusive experiences. It shouldn’t be a free for all simply because not everyone is going to appreciate the value of it.

It’s hard for the simple-minded to get past the gate that is my pickiness. First of all, you and I have to just click. It can’t be forced and it can’t be abrasive. I HATE when people try to force themselves to be my friend. It kind of couples with me hating when people say that you have to do this or you have to do that. I hate people telling me what I have to do because the reality is I don’t have to do a damn thing. When God gave us free will, He meant it to be just that – free will. To do what you pleased, when you please and how you please. So, you forcing yourself into my life is like telling me “Hey, you have to be my friend cause it’s the nice thing to do.” “Hey, you have to be nice to me even if I pop up in your inbox unannounced because this is society’s playground and this is what we do here.” “Hey, you have to be nice to me because I’m a nice person.” “Hey, you have to be my friend because I’m already yours.” Again, I don’t have to do a damn thing but somehow there are people convinced that I do and that is a real easy way to shut me down to you even more.

It has to click. It has to make sense. We have to have common ground on one thing before we can move on to other things. Not a lot of people on the internet get that. And so they get offended when they can’t get past the wall. They get offended when a person doesn’t play along and the reaction is negative. They don’t understand that a person protecting their space is going to come off as aggressive, is going to come off as offensive, is going to come off as prickly for the first few months. They don’t know how to adjust being denied that instant gratification.

So, a lot of people get stopped at the gate. For me, that’s fine. Because there are very few people in my world. I can count on my right hand the non-blood relatives who reside there. Everyone else is outside the gate. Some of them will never make it past the gate. I have friends on Facebook right now who got to the gate and left because they couldn’t hang. I have friends on Facebook right now that are lingering but one foot is out of the door. And that’s okay. There’s nothing I can do about that because that is what social interaction is – trial and error and decision making based on compatibility.

I value myself enough to let folks go. I tried holding on already and I got burned. But this has not deterred me from holding on. This has just made me examine closely who is worth the risk. I believe that this is where truly loving and appreciating yourself begins. Not everyone deserves a membership card to your life. Decide who you let in and sometimes, let them decide. Set your rules and then lean back to see if they are ready to abide by them. You’ll know the ones who don’t. They will moan and complain about everything and make you try to feel awful about protecting your space. They make your life easier by showing themselves so that you can eliminate them early.

Once you get past the gate though, it’s all about making sure that you stay in. That is no walk in the park. That actually becomes the hardest part. Now that you’ve been let in, you’re in a very delicate position. You hurt me and you’re back outside the gate. From there it’s even harder to get back in. From here you get to see my innermost thoughts and you get to hear my candid advice. I treat you as a friend from here on in. This is really very delicate because now you are a resident in my world and you have the power to wreck it and crack that part of me. This is the responsibility that I give you. I expect you not to screw up, I expect you to be faithful and I expect you to respect the positon that you have in my life. I hold you to a higher standard when I let you in. I expect you to maintain it.

But I hardly let people through the gate easily because the ones that have a hard time actually stay for a long time. Ask my best friends. Ten years of friendship didn’t come without a lot of battle scars. I know with one of them she took a while before she referred, at least to me, as her best friend. We went through a lot which is why I can count them on my fingers still. It’s a process. There is another friend of mine who is ever persistent and is going through the trial by fire as we speak. It’s only been a couple of months but he’s still around even while others have realised that they won’t get what they want and have jumped ship. It is what it is though. Some people can hang while some can’t. Even as someone who is actively picky, you can’t cry over people who have made it clear that they don’t want to stay.

In a sense, this is what it is like being picky. We are not snobbish, we are not too materialistic, we are not all worldly. We just know what we want and who we want there. We act accordingly. The rest of the world calls it “anit-social”, “problematic” and “weird”. We call it “safe”.

 

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Zan
Zan
July 7, 2017 6:30 pm

The ending was very satisfying! I am an introvert as well.

Bey Antipolo
Bey Antipolo
July 12, 2017 1:36 pm

Bea Antipolo | Non material

Madel Olveda
Madel Olveda
July 12, 2017 2:25 pm

Olveda, Madel P. (MAR142)
1. Implicit
2. Traits
3. Same as understanding an abstract art

Allie Bazar Benito
July 12, 2017 4:16 pm

Benito, Alimoding B.

1. Implicit/Non-material
2. Traits
3. “The Paperboat”

Diana Solangon
Diana Solangon
July 12, 2017 5:41 pm

Solangon,Diana G. – MAR 142

1. Implicit
2. Traits ; Beliefs
3. Walls

#3

Andrea Yalung
Andrea Yalung
July 13, 2017 1:44 am

Yalung, Andrea – MAR142
1. Implicit/ Non-Material
2. Traits
3. Gateway

patrick08
patrick08
July 13, 2017 8:04 am

Non-Material
Perlas,Patrick P.
(Arc 133)

Jad Dublois
Jad Dublois
July 13, 2017 9:08 am

Dublois, Jad Lorry A. ARC 133
Non Material

Mej Alvaran Danga
Mej Alvaran Danga
July 13, 2017 9:17 am

Danga, Mej (ARC133) – Non-Material

Ma. Hannah Lynne C. Lucilla
Ma. Hannah Lynne C. Lucilla
July 13, 2017 9:52 am

LUCILLA, MA. HANNAH LYNNE C. (ARC 133)

NON-MATERIAL

Nark John David Silades
Nark John David Silades
July 13, 2017 1:27 pm

SILADES, NARK JOHN DAVID E. (ARC133)
NON-MATERIAL

donna mauro
donna mauro
July 13, 2017 1:38 pm

Mauro, Donna B.
(MAR142)
implicit
traits
negativity

Judy Ann Tanyag
Judy Ann Tanyag
July 13, 2017 1:39 pm

Tanyag, Judy Ann B.
(MAR142)
Implicit
Traits
Negative Thinking

Aeroll Andrei Norte Rosario
Aeroll Andrei Norte Rosario
July 13, 2017 1:39 pm

Rosario, Aeroll Andrei N. ARC 133
Non-material

Maria Maise Ann Apigo
July 13, 2017 2:58 pm

Apigo, Maria Maise Ann D. / Mar142
1. Implicit
2. Traits
3. Gate pass

Chrysa Dancel
Chrysa Dancel
July 13, 2017 3:32 pm

DANCEL, Chrysa Joy C. MAR 142
1.Implicit
2. Traits, Beliefs
3. Great big wall

Sheila Ann Surio
Sheila Ann Surio
July 13, 2017 3:51 pm

Surio, Sheila Ann Surio, (Mar142)

1. Implicit/Non material
2.Culture: Traits
3.Different title: Two worlds

Doromel Layong
Doromel Layong
July 14, 2017 2:30 am

Layong, Doromel S.A (ARC-133)
Non-Material

Ced Mapuyan
Ced Mapuyan
July 14, 2017 3:25 pm

Mapuyan, John Cedrick D., ARC133 Non material

Kathleen Solis
Kathleen Solis
July 14, 2017 4:16 pm

Solis, Kathleen Mae O. (ARC133)
Non-Material

joshua santos
joshua santos
July 14, 2017 4:28 pm

Santos, Joshua T. / ARC-133
Non-Material

Mareill Galicia Magno
Mareill Galicia Magno
July 14, 2017 8:10 pm

Magno, Marylyn
(MAR142)
Implicit
Traits
Barrier

Rhelee Casupanan
July 15, 2017 5:21 am

Casupanan, Rhelee Mae (Mar142)
1.) Implicit
2.) Traits
3.) “Under my wall” – This title transforms the current title to an explicit one. This is for every introvert out there who finds it hard to express themselves to other people.

Armel Carreon Jetajobe
Armel Carreon Jetajobe
July 16, 2017 3:52 pm

Jetajobe, Armel C.MAR142
1. Implicit/ Non-material
2. Traits
3. A wall barrier

Abigail De Jesus Labayne
Abigail De Jesus Labayne
July 17, 2017 2:46 am

Labayne, Abigail D. (MAR142)
1. Implicit/ Non-material
2. Traits
3. Under my Wings

Clarence Anne Bituin
Clarence Anne Bituin
July 17, 2017 10:59 am

Bituin, Clarence Anne R. (mar14)
Implicit
Traits
“My own fences”

Von Andrei Cabrera
Von Andrei Cabrera
July 17, 2017 2:51 pm

Cabrera Von andrei M. Mar 142

Implicit
Traits
A wall for myself

Lylla Katrise Benedicto
Lylla Katrise Benedicto
July 18, 2017 2:13 pm

1. Implicit
2. Traits
3. “Guards in my Fences”

—BENEDICTO, lylla Katrise
MAR142

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