Past experiences and circumstances in life normally move us to “wise up” a.k.a. “close up” our hearts and fortify our walls – ultimately, to protect ourselves from getting hurt. Self-preservation mechanism. So we hear of people that are “emotionally unavailable” or the worse kind, the “narcissists”. These two, I am quite sure, you have read a lot in internet and other self-help stuffs. Both come up as frequent as anxiety and depression.
So, sans all the psychology sophisticated mumbo-jumbo, what these two means is simply avoidance of relationship and emotional entanglement coupled with fear. The former avoids control/possession while the latter seeks control/possession. But the bottomline of both is deeply rooted in fear of rejection – well, at least, that is how my simple mind understands and sees it.
When we enter into a relationship, we are supposed to lay down our cards on the table…we have to trust without warranty clause and we have to allow ourselves to become vulnerable. And by doing that, we invite pain and losing face. Who is stupid enough to allow himself/herself to be led like a cow to a slaughterhouse?
Smart people, I read, find it real hard to find love because, in shorter term, they are calculative and wise to deduce easily the potential success or failure of any relationship. I agree one hundred percent. I played this game of strategic distancing long enough to understand what it is or what it is not. I bet, even in your own circle you find friends or family who are eternally avoiding commitment. And heck, it is completely understandable that we resort to this practical solution. Singlehood is way easy a lifestyle rather than to be at constant participation with the drama and emotional trauma of relationship. Uhm, not to mention that it has less accountability and responsibilities as well which proves it a better and less-stress option.
However, let me tell you, loving and relationships are integral part of humanity whether we like it or not. Who could actually say he/she is not involved in any type of relationship and is still happy? Who could say he/she is without friends or family? I have yet to meet a person who is completely and absolutely alone…much less, a person who is happy while being completely and absolutely alone. Humans are spiritual beings who long for connection and communion…with another human, with God. Therefore, someone is always present in our lives…someone who witness our existence…someone who shares our experiences. He/she could be a partner/lover, a friend, a family or a combination of any of the three. If there is no such person in our heart, then we suffer from melancholy and desolation or worse, sense of separation.
The world was made for love and about love. That is a glaring fact that we try so hard to ignore. We try to insulate ourselves…and become indifferent to such emotion simply because we see it as a kind of weakness. We even find it mushy and awkward to express that even to the people we are closest to. I am like that myself. I do not know. Perhaps, we do not like to trivialize it…or, maybe, we assume that they already know. Or, possibly, saying it makes it just too real…and us, vulnerable.
However, if we take a look around us, we would see that living beings, especially humans, are made to depend to each other. From birth to old age, that is quite evident. A baby is dependent to his/her mother and as he/she grows old, he/she learns the joy in sharing and camaraderie. While, in old age, a person has no choice but to depend to others for his/her needs.
If we could acknowledge this simple thing that we have no actual choice other than to love our fellow human beings, then the world will have no need armoring itself with nuclear weapons. Love alone would dissolve the divisiveness created by race, religion, social strata and education.
Why is the world suffering from hunger and wars? Because of greed. Because humans started to act like we are not humans. If we are capable of loving, then we would not be judgmental…we would be able to tolerate, accept and respect the differences among us. We would be compassionate and kind and therefore sharing and helping are logical actions.
When are we going to ever realize that plain truth? Why be selfish with “I love you”? Damn, it is free. We need not order it over E-bay or Amazon. And it is not convertible to cash or gold so, why hoard it? Why wait for the world to end before letting the people we love know that they matter to us? Why wait for eulogies to express those feelings and sentiments? Why can we not start now, in little gestures and simple ways, and make a change?
Loving is our responsibility…loving makes us happy and free.