Quick random thought I’ve been having: Relationships are freaking hard. And it’s not because I’m necessarily speaking from experience. This is based purely on observation. Good relationships, bad relationships – all of them are HARD.
Like think about it. First off, you have to find someone. And that someone can’t just be anybody. There’s criteria to this ish. It can be shallow or selfless but there are guidelines that you set in your head for who you wanna be with. Half the time, those guidelines are very unrealistic by….well, reality’s standards. The person you have in your head doesn’t exist and by the time you get around to realising that, everyone that you probably could have had is already taken and living a “perfect” life.
But let’s back up here: Let’s say you catch on fast enough and concede some of your requirements. There is still the mighty hurdle of Chemistry to get over. You have to like the person and the person has to like you more. If that’s not happening, it’s not a relationship at all and someone’s time (that could be very well spent finding the person that reciprocates their feelings) is being completely wasted. But chemistry goes beyond that. You all have to be on the same page in terms of overall wants, needs and goals. It doesn’t mean you agree with EVERYTHING that they want to do but you can and are willing to go along with them just to see them succeed. That is what chemistry is and without that, y’all don’t stand a snowball’s chances in hell.
Person: Check. Chemistry: Check. Now, you have to worry about holding it all together. That doesn’t come with all the lovey-dovey feelings. It’s a mature, conscious decision made by both parties that basically states to each other and the world that even when the butterflies are gone, I’ll stick with you. Do you know how hard that is? It’s like when you first start going to the gym.
The first day is great. You work out and you already feel healthier. Your Instagram comment section is aflame with kudos. You sip that kale smoothie with Mean Girl pride and no one can touch you. Day Two is good too. Still glowing from all the compliments. Still feeling like the baddest babe in the room. Day Three is like okay. You drag yourself to leg day only because you don’t wanna look like a corn dog and you start hating kale. Day Four? There is no Day 4. Simply because you didn’t actually commit. You just do it cause it sounds good. You don’t have a proper drive. So it doesn’t stick. But you can give up now and gain 50 more pounds or stick it out and get healthy. When your legs burn, the decision is never easy.
It’s the same with a relationship. You’re not always gonna be affected by their looks, charm or personality. Those things can easily become annoying. In that moment, you have to make a decision “in love” that you’ll stay anyhow. The choice of running away will forever be stronger if you’re with just anyone. Always.
On top of that, there are the external elements – his friends, your friends, your family, his family, his exes and yours along with random Internet people who wish you nothing but misery. I put them under the category of “Distractions”. All of these groups are gateways for mistrust, jealousy and divisions if control is not maintained by the people in the relationship. But as the Johnny Come Lately in your partner’s life, how do you trump his/her people? The people who have had their backs since day one? It’s so easy for you to be the bad guy all the time.
Then the hardest part of all. What if you break up? How do you mend after that? You lose your everything in that one person. What’s the point of finding them if they’re just going to leave? It’s a scary thought that. Just as you’re used to them, they’re gone. And then it’s just you and the pool again, doomed to repeat the cycle.
Relationships are hard work whether you’re just starting or ending them. And it irks me that people think that they can sail by on love and laurels. No! Put in the work or stay out the yard, fam. It’s that simple. It’s so much more than getting flowers or an ear to whine in. It’s a commitment and commitments take something from you that you have to be more than willing to give up. I don’t think we take the sanctity of relationships seriously enough. And it’s killing us.