The unfortunate virgin
We believe that love can heal a broken heart or bring light to a dark soul. We all crave love and will always be ready to accept it no matter the form it may take to present itself to us. Most women dream about finding that special someone with the hope that one day they’re married as they endow all good and bad together. They imagine a perfect life with that special someone and sees love as something magical. We often get caught up in our own minds as we envision love to be the best thing that we can ever find within this lifetime of ours. But who’s to say, love is not the best thing one can hope for, as our views of love are different.
Being a woman in her mid-20’s, I still hope to find love within all this easy sex accesses, dating online and hook-up apps world that we are, unfortunately, a part of. One may wonder as to what happened to the old-fashioned ways of meeting someone in person and with whom they engage in a friendly conversation that may or may not lead to something meaningful. Can we officially say that technology has limited our physical interactions and has corrupted our minds to believe that chivalry is dead, or that one cannot be nice without being mistaken for flirting? Are we beyond being able to communicate with each other unless it’s hiding behind our electronic devices? Is this the new way of finding love? Have people just stop trying? Or am I simply behind and need to catch up with time.
As a millennial, I’ve decided that I’m simply behind and needed to catch up with time. So, I did what any person who’s looking to find love did. Yes, I’ve decided to hide behind my screens and access the world of dating. I’ve had several dating apps on my phone, no shame here, a girl got to do what a girl got to do, to find something real, if of course, that exists from the touch or swipe of my enchanted device.
After a long process of inputting my data of the type of person, I am so these apps can match me to the perfect man and a tired thumb of swiping left and right I can say that I have gotten in contact with an amazing man amongst all the jerks that I have encountered. In fact, I find this perfect stranger to be beyond perfect if of course there’s such thing.
Being afraid of being catfished because of all these sociopaths we have hidden behind these magical portals that limit human interactions. I’ve decided to communicate a little on the app itself with no bother to the man I was talking to. Being the skeptical, paranoid person I am, I asked if we can take the conversation to one our famous social media “SNAP CHAT” I told him I wanted to make sure that he was real before giving my personal number. Him having a laugh at my paranoia assured me that he was oh so real and that too dashingly good looking.
We continued to communicate, learning about each other from our flaws to our likes and dislikes, he made me felt comfortable with him. He allowed me to be myself, for the time I felt exposed, allowing someone to get close to me, allowing them to know the person I am without any pretense. It felt like we knew each other before this life. We spoke about our secrets and weird ways that others might wrinkle their noses at, but there were no judgments between us, we could’ve been who we truly are, no hiding, just our true selves.
Completing a week of around-the-clock communication, I was astonishingly surprised that I have not scared this man off with my dominant personality. He stuck around. Not like other men that I’ve encountered, they couldn’t last an hour speaking to me without either feeling intimidated or assuming, that I’m a bitch.
This perfect stranger made me anxious, waiting for the other shoe to drop. He made me felt both scared and excited at the same time. Having many things in common, like; we both strongly believed in being straightforward and that communication is the key to any relationship. Be mindful I have not yet met this perfect stranger. The magical portal was our only form of contact, from texting to face-time. Soon it would be meeting in person; we just need to set a date. Impatiently I await as my nerve gets the best of me.
And it happened! No, we didn’t meet, unfortunately, the other shoe fell. Though I was waiting for this moment, a part of me shattered like a broken glass, I was hurt but shockingly not angry at him. Being the straightforward person I know myself to be, I asked him what happened and what was my fault? Without thinking that the problem could be about his views I automatically thought it was me and that I could fix me. Maybe if we continue to talk to each other I’ll know what it is I needed to change, thinking that the problem must be with me, for I tend to always scare men away. I just needed him to tell me my flaw, so I can fix it in hope that he’ll look past them.
He said to me, “why does it always have to be the men who need to justify themselves? It’s not always the men’s fault”, He continued to explain. All men have their views and what they desire in a woman and that for him I seem too pushy. He exclaimed, we just met and you’re telling me that I need to eat better, and if I can tell him about his diet at the beginning I would want to control him in the future and he can’t have that. I was confused by his imprudent remark that I thought to myself “Are you insane? You’re a grown man and noone eats Twinkies for breakfast every morning!” He then said that’s not what made him really lose interest; I became speechless by his remark.
He said I can’t be with someone that’s a virgin! “I don’t have the patience to deal with someone like you!” You’re too much work and I don’t want to teach you, I want someone that knows what to do sexually” for sex plays a huge role in my relationships and I can’t be your teacher. I was baffled by this. I said to him, I’m not looking for a teacher, that I believe I’m experienced enough within my mind, I may be shy but I’m not stupid. He didn’t want to hear that, he made his decision of not wanting to be with me and that’s it, there’s no changing his mind. I started to think, will my virginity keep me a prisoner from finding love? do all men think like this? And am I part of a world where my innocence is viewed as incompetent.
Maybe I’ve had it all wrong as a kid growing up, maybe I still have it wrong as an adult. I’ve always thought that having sex for the first time would be magical. In the sense that it would be with the man that I love and would, of course, love me in return. Or have I lived my entire life in magical fantasy as I escaped the bitter truth of the real world?
My thoughts made me think if any man would love me because of my big flaw, Being a virgin. I wondered, should I have chosen to be a casual person, which would have allowed me to gain sexual knowledge, not someone who doesn’t know what’s she’s doing. Is telling a man you’re a virgin view as the end of an era? Is it the worst thing a man can hear because no men want and inexperienced girl?
Where does this leave me in the dating world, Should I tell every man that I meet that I’m a virgin because only then will I ever know if we can continue to peruse each other. Should I have an open line prepared so when I meet them I’ll say, “Hi I’m a virgin and I’ll need to know your views because if you feel that I need a teacher and you can’t be that, let’s not waste our precious time.” To think, the absurdity of it all. Will this be the only way of knowing if it’s the starting or the ending of something unknown?
For this stranger has gotten my mind in a tangle, is being a virgin in my mid-twenties a dilemma I’m stuck with or maybe it’s just his perception and not all men think that way. I may have been shaken but I’m not broken by this experience. I still believe that in this world of ours there is someone for everyone and I’ll find mine eventually, someone who will appreciate and accept me for whom I am.
To the perfect stranger hidden behind the magical portal, I’m not sorry that I’m not sexually experienced, I made this choice to wait and I’m happy with that. I’m sorry that you believe for you to have a relationship with a woman she needs to be sexually experienced. I agreed that sex plays a huge role in any relationship but someone experience should not define them. I wish you the best on your journey and I thank you for your time and honesty.