the ugly writers

7 Days Post-Op

The stitches and medical glue used to seal incisions.  The swelling. The black and blue bruising surrounding my entire abdomen. It was too much for her. She said it all looked so painful.   

Here I sit 7 days post op. 7 days. I feel like I have been hit by a truck.  Pain meds do not often work for me, so I quickly needed to transition to muscle relaxers. I make a go of it during the day with just ibuprofen and ice-packs and add in a muscle relaxer to try and sleep at night. My surgery was very successful and the doctors are very optimistic that the results will provide me with long term pain relief.

Extensive abdominal surgery isn’t for the faint of heart. I had three surgeries performed at once, and an additional unplanned procedure to ultimately bring me pain relief. I have been in constant pain since last August.  A deep, dense, migrating pain that I am not always able to pinpoint. Somedays, I would feel better and conquer the out of doors and go for long walks. Other days, I would stick close to home and reach for a good book or catch up on a few shows on Netflix or Amazon Prime.  Some days, when I had to go to work, I would cry in pain the entire way there. Pain became a way of life. I expected to be in pain, because I always was.

Here, I sit watching Netflix now and recovering. I am told to do nothing other than rest and try to eat food if I can.  I am told to make friends with my couch and my bed and to not bend over or lift anything. This is a challenge for me. I am usually always on the move, always tackling a new project.  So sitting still is actually a chore. I may have folded a few bath towels last evening and washed the top of the oven. I was so tired when I finished I had to rest for an hour. My energy levels are so low.

I feel a bit beat up.  I have three long scratches down my left arm from the blood pressure cuff, I have a six inch long abrasion across my chest from the heart monitor. My arm blew out two iv’s.  My right arm is purple and black and appears to have been in a back alley fight unbeknownst to me. I have three large incisions on my stomach and a large pool ball sized black and blue bruise on my lower abdomen.  I look like I have taken up cage fighting. The black circles under my eyes make me question when I last slept. The blue veins popping out of each hand make me reach for the moisturizing lotion every time I think of it.

My daughter walked away yesterday when she saw me dressing.  The exposed painful looking skin. The stitches and medical glue used to seal incisions.  The swelling. The black and blue bruising surrounding my entire abdomen. It was too much for her. She said it all looked so painful.

I checked in with her and asked if she was okay.  She said that she can’t imagine all the pain at once. I told her that yes, I was in pain, but now it was different.  I have been living in pain for a number of years and I didn’t really know it. I just thought this is what it felt like to get older.  I came to find out that pain isn’t normal. Discomfort yes, pain, no. The pain I feel now is post-surgical pain. I no longer feel any of the dense migrating pain that has plagued me since August. I no longer feel any of the phantom ever-changing pain that roamed freely in my body the last couple of years.  All of the junk, the sickness, the body parts that have failed me, have been removed. All of healthy organs that needed repair have been intricately placed back where they need to be, where they will continue supporting my body all the rest of my days.

This surgery may have slowed me down. This black and blue body may need time to heal and regain stamina.  But I am not down for the count. This body will recover. This body will gain strength. This body will slowly but surely get back to being amazing.  My legs will carry me where I need to go. My hands will once again accomplish all that needs to be done. My arms will hug my children and pull my husband near.  This body will make a comeback. It will overcome the black and blue and it will become alive again. My current state is only temporary. And how very exciting the future now appears to me.

Catch more of Kelli J. Gavin with her other entries at The Ugly Writers:

fully me  trying to heal I need a sign i don't mean to brag the ugly writers

Check her own website here.

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Kelli J Gavin
Kelli J Gavin of Carver, Minnesota is a Writer, Blogger, and Professional Organizer. Kelli’s first two books, ‘I Regret Nothing’ and ‘My Name is Zach-A Teenage Perspective on Autism’, were released in 2019. She has also co-authored 15 anthology books. Her 3rd and 4th books will be published in 2020 and 2021. Kelli’s work can be found with Clarendon House Publishing, The Ugly Writers, Southwest Media, Zombie Pirates Publishing, Writing In a Woman’s Voice, The Writers Newsletter, Writers Unite!, Academy of the Heart & Mind, Sweatpants & Coffee, Love What Matters, The Rye Whiskey Review, Spillwords, The Writers and Readers Magazine, Mercurial Stories, 121 Words, HerStry, Passionate Chic Magazine, Ariel Chart, The Basil O’Flaherty, PPP Ezine, Otherwise Engaged, Pleather Skin, Paper.Li, and The New Ink Review, among others. My Name Is Zach was awarded as one of ‘The Best Special Needs Books of 2019’ and one of ‘The Best Special Needs Books of all Time’ by Book Authority. She is also featured among the ‘101 Emerging Authors From Around the World’ with Sweetycat Press published in 2020. Find Kelli on Twitter and Instagram @KelliJGavin and explore her blog at www.kellijgavin.blogspot.com.
Articles: 76

14 Comments

  1. Moiseslyn Masagca
    Moiseslyn Masagca

    In the artice there is a girl who still fighting and never think give up despite of experience that kind of pain. She believes that in the end there always a brighter side of her life that no matter how much the pain she’s facing at the end she will stand and survive for her to be able to step forward or move forward pursuing what she want to be in this world she belongs and be part of the people whose brave and strong having this pain in his/her life .

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