the ugly writers

Breaking The Standards

There are options for everyone. Let us stop shaming people for the decisions that they have taken upon themselves and try our hand at living our own lives.

This year, let’s make a resolution together. I know that I’ve previously published that I think resolutions are stupid BUT this is one that needs to be made by all of us.

Let’s stop outlining people’s standards.


I know you have your own idealistic vision of what Life should be like and what people should do and what people shouldn’t do but ultimately, let’s strive to mind our own damn business.
To give you some context, I saw a tweet a couple months ago that just rubbed me the wrong-ass way. It said:

‘LADIES IMAGINE THIS: you stop idealizing marriage and start acting like a 23 year old with her life ahead of her. You get an education, you travel the world, and you stop assuming that your life starts and ends with a husband.’

Now, before you jump down my throat, the intent of the tweet is not bad in itself. It is important to have life experiences – to go out, to have friends to see the world, to do the things that you’ve always wanted. That is very, very important. However, not everyone has those dreams.

Not everyone wants to hop on a plane, drink themselves senseless or live out of a suitcase. And that is just the way that the world is. And to intimate that if you aren’t into that at whatever age is going from one extreme to the next. I read a lot of historical romance stories. The standard back then? If you weren’t courting by 25, the whispers started. If you were 28 and weren’t locked down, you became a social pariah and your only shot at saving face was to marry some dribbly old geezer with a shady past. If you were 30….


You were just about ready to be regulated to the old spinsters’ home. You were only good for advice about social propriety. But that’s just the thing though. The heroines of those pieces were all ‘no-go’ ages. And generally those books were meant to show women who challenged the status quo of the day which basically cited marriage as a lifetime achievement. These women broke the mold AND still found happiness in being married to the man of their dreams. They basically got to do whatever they wanted and for me the lesson is not so much breaking the status quo but blooming in your own time.

So this tweet, in my opinion, while well-intentioned, just ends up promoting the other extreme of the spectrum – ‘Must be independent until 30. Must not need a man. Must party hard while you can.’ Not everyone is into that. Some people just want to settle down, live a quiet life, have a bunch of kids and take it from there. And if that is what they want, you don’t get to tell them differently.

Let’s be careful not to repeat the mistake of the 19th century ton. Girl, if you want to get married young cause you feel like it’s time, DO IT. Don’t let anyone else’s ideals frame your life. The last thing that you want to do is live your life the way that society expects only to regret it later down the road. Honey, if you want to travel the world, date people, do irresponsible things, die your hair pink, then FREAKING DO IT! You owe no one, except God, explanations for what you do with the time that you’re given.

I personally just like waiting for God to write the next chapter. A lot of the time that means that I lounge back and let Him take over. Safe and boring it is but it’s the road that I have chosen to walk. Mind you, that road has left me feeling pretty down for the past few days. But I know when I look back at my life further up the road, I will be able to proudly say that it’s a choice that I have made on my own and for myself. Very few regrets but it would have been my life.

The point?

There are options for everyone. Let us stop shaming people for the decisions that they have taken upon themselves and try our hand at living our own lives.

God only gives us one.

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