I have spent a ridiculous amount of my life waiting. Waiting to gradate high school. Waiting to be married. Waiting and praying to have kids. Waiting for the right job. Waiting for relationships to be restored. Waiting for it to stop hurting. Waiting for the joy to return. Always waiting for something. The problem with all this waiting is I have missed out. I missed out on the in between. The moments that were happening each and every day, I missed them. I was so focused on what I wanted to happen next, I missed the chance to experience some pretty amazing things in between.
I am odd duck when it comes to text messaging. I often send them it bouts and fits, then silence for an extended period of time. I hate talking on the phone, (past jobs working in banking, investments and insurance have completely wrecked me) so text messaging is my main form of communication. I even answer them in my mind and never hit send, so people may think I am ignoring them when that is so far from the truth. I love text messages. Simple sentences, maximum effect when it comes to communicating something quickly. But also, because there are often spelling mistakes and you can’t hear someone’s tone of voice, there can be misunderstandings.
I have found myself the last few days waiting on a text message. Not a reply, not a continued conversation. I was waiting for a text message to be sent at random. A Hello, an I miss you, a How are you. I was feeling a bit flustered by the busyness of life and I think I put more weight into receiving the text message than I desired. I found that I was looking for a touch point. Affirmation that I wasn’t the only one struggling.
The text message did come today and lead to a great conversation. One that I wish would happen more often. But in receiving the coveted text, I also realized that I have placed far too much of my happiness in communication with others. I am an extrovert with introverted tendencies. (Meaning I love people, I love outings and large groups, but recharge on solitude adventures.) But relationships and communication are something that enable me to thrive. I know this to be true, but caught myself today. I can’t force someone to want what I want. I can’t force someone to take the initiative and always be the one to contact me first. I am stubborn. Plain and simple. A mutually gratifying text exchange could have occurred if I would have gotten over my need to not be the first one that sends a text. That is a thing I do. I wait around and wait some more, because I don’t want to be the first one to text.
In all my foolishness, I have decided today that I won’t wait anymore. If I want to talk to someone, I will be get over myself and be the one to send the text. I might even be the first person to make a phone call. I am not kidding. This is serious. A phone call?! I am missing out on touch points because I don’t want to be the one initiating contact. I don’t want to miss out anymore on conversations with amazing people, or text messages that warm my heart. I don’t want to miss out on the in between. No more waiting.