How to Cope? is an editorial piece written by Anamie S. Espiritu and is shared with The Ugly Writers under the theme Terrible Ideas for the month of July.
How To Cope?
I would just like to make a disclaimer as early as possible. People might be overwhelmed that the writing in this article is about them; well, it is not!
I know for sure though that many of which would agree wholeheartedly to what is written in here. Here it goes…
in-laws: a relative by marriage.
In marriage, it is rare that we would hear people who have a good standing relationship with the parents of their partners. Some are just blessed to have angelic ones. Others were able to mend it through time, or should I say a very long time, before reaching whatever (good) relationship they have with them now. And there are those who are just unlucky enough to have been hated from the time they were introduced as your partner’s partner. Many would say that it doesn’t matter at all; not to be loved by your partner’s family. But I say, it does matter, especially when your relationship becomes rocky and crowded by them. This is not about to prod the family of your husband or wife. It is about having your own gorilla-tactics to be accepted and eventually be loved.
Respect should be intact. One important thing that should remain in one’s head is that no matter what they say and do, show deference. Do not let yourself be pulled in the gutter. Their attitude should not equate yours. Showing much courtesy could always adhere a start of a good relationship. Partner’s family or not, we ought to be respectful.
Let them blab. One should be set with a running mouth from your in-laws. Why? This is rather a common trait from them. Always remember that whatever you do, be good or bad, they will definitely say something about you. They would always babble on about things they cannot do and have, and most importantly, the ones they can’t understand.
Tact is essential. Crossing the line and being out of place are some of the things you ought to be ready about. And because of this, you can easily be tempted to answer them back. Keep in mind that when you are emotionally heightened, the more you should restrain yourself. Then again, when it is just too much, and you can’t take it anymore, it is also healthy for you to say what’s on your mind, with the proper approach, and use appropriate words.
Learn to share. Let’s face it, when one marries the other, their togetherness encompasses assets. A partner usually gets what one has. Though this is a marital right, you would always be regarded to have stolen not only their relative but his or her money as well. Though you are willing to share some of it, they will see you no differently for they will always want what’s given to them before.
Be yourself, not indifferent. You are detested for everything about you that’s different. You can’t change yourself for them, or for anyone else just to be accepted. It is easy to be reviled on things that aren’t comprehensible. You could always stand your ground being who you are, but it does not necessarily mean that you should not learn to relate and be relatable.
Be close, not closer. It is good that you would find ways to have a good relationship with your in-laws. It is enough that you get to mingle with them from time to time, especially during family events. However, it is essential that you should not share more than what they can handle; too much information about you may be a key to your destruction.
People may agree or disagree with these strategies that would help you to be accepted by your in-laws. As for me, it would never hurt to do certain steps that will result in having a customary relationship and eventually be more accepted.
Then again, if you have resorted to all of these, and still they hate your guts, so be it. The life you are building is with your partner, and it should never be dependent on the approval of any people around you.
Please support Anamie S. Espiritu by reading her previous works at The Ugly Writers.