Regrets, Acceptance and Forgiveness is an essay written by Vanessa Enfectana and shared with The Ugly Writers under the theme Terrible Ideas for the month of July.
Regrets, Acceptance and Forgiveness
We said things we never meant to say. Words we wish we could take back. Moments I wish I was able to control my mouth. It is true that the tongue is sharper than a knife and I didn’t notice that I am murdering the love of my life with every single word I say. Emotions should not control the tip of our pens or the movement of our lips; I wish I knew this earlier, maybe that way… I could rescue him. I fed him with my poisonous thoughts when all he needed is someone to listen to his call of help. And I regret pushing him off the cliff of his emotions and shaming him for what he has done. I regret that my selfishness overpowers my love. I mourn every single night with the memory of what I have done. I am a murderer, I killed the love of my life by stabbing him with the sharp sword of insecurities.
I am sorry. I’m really sorry that I didn’t notice my own shortcomings and focused on your flaws. I’m really sorry that I wasn’t able to accept you fully and forced the things I want instead of listening to you. I apologize that I was blinded and didn’t realize the truth that I am loving myself and not you.
And so now even if it hurts, I am accepting the fact that you are gone. I can finally admit that it wasn’t just your fault but also because I lack in understanding the situation. I admit that I am not the right one for you. I may be not the person who is meant to be with you.
And as you walked away, I regret not being able to tell you that you are forgiven. I forgive you for hurting me and for not being the man you promised to be. I forgive you for the things you have said. And I forgive you for choosing to walk away.
Please support Vanessa Enfectana by reading her previous entries at The Ugly Writers: