A Masterpiece in the Face of Imperfection: A Glimpse of My Life Story is an essay written by Julie Ann Baynosa and shared with The Ugly Writers under the theme Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul for January
Something I believe was heartbreaking for Mama. But being the brave woman that she was, she held on tight to her faith and prayed for God’s healing and miracle to be upon me, and true enough, God answered her prayers along with the help of the entire family. I got better every day, until I made it out to the incubator and escaped major brain problems as the first diagnosis.
And as they thought I was already out of the woods, the doctor discovered another problem that seemed to have a long-term effect on me being a premature baby.
This time, it deals with my feet and with the way I walk. My feet lacked the strength and balance I needed to walk properly. I was seven years old when I first learned to walk with the help of physical therapy. I also had a vivid memory of crawling as a means of movement for me. I remember going to kindergarten being carried over, and someone would wait for me until I finished school every day.
You might wonder why it took my parents so long to send me to therapy sessions, it was because, they were looking for better options than therapy, and sad to say, money was one problem back then and medical advancements were not as available compared in our time today.
Moving forward on this long read of a story already, (Deeply sorry if this becomes lengthy! 😁✌️) growing up was never really an easy ride, as I get to deal with criticisms for the funny way I walk (For some as they mockingly imitate me). But, at the back of my young mind, at least I could walk; I could go to places where I wished to go, as this was the only better chance I got to finally enjoy as a child. I remember being spanked and scolded by my mama because I came home already dark for being “laagan,” as we, the Visayan community would call it (magala in Tagalog). In high school and college, it became a different story, as it included my self-esteem and confidence as a woman and not a child anymore. It involved the question and the longing to be loved for who I am, as I am seen in my physical limitations. And I would say I had my moments. I had known love—how it felt to love and be loved in return. But, as of now, I am finding comfort in solitude and making the most out of my waiting season by doing what I love and am passionate about.
But to be fair and honest enough, I still deal with a lot of insecurities and unhealthy mindsets from time to time. IT IS A GIVEN. NO DOUBT. But, I guess, it is always about how I BOUNCE back amidst the circumstances I have every time it tries to knock me down. It is always about returning to that winning moment of ACCEPTING and EMBRACING myself for who I am because I am perfect in my infirmities.
For a time I did question God and asked Him a lot of whys. I sulked, complained, and compared my life to others. He then opened my eyes, which brought a liberating breakthrough from self-pity as He led me to the scriptures of Exodus 4:11, which confirms the infirmities of man as a part of His plan! As clear as noonday, He made me see what a masterpiece I am in the face of my physical imperfections!
And I thank the Lord for being patient with me along the way as a lot of mindsets took a lot of time to change, and that self- confidence took years to be found and practiced for good. And I will try my very best to never let go of it again by believing in my truth, in knowing how valuable I am in the eyes of God.
I then began to understand that in the years that I have continued to exist, my life was about telling who He is and all the impossible things He could do!
Then the Lord said to him, “Who made a person’s mouth? And who makes someone deaf or not able to speak? Or who gives a person sight or blindness? It is I, the Lord. (Exodus 4:11 NCV)
P.S. To all of us, may we learn to love ourselves more, not for any other reason, but simply because we just do and we choose to, despite the inevitability of our imperfections and inadequacy.
Check out Ms Julie Ann Baynosa on Instagram as @juliewritesofficial