A letter of a suicidal kid

Dear Mom,

I’m sorry if you had to see me hanging in my room

with a blank mind and broken veins

with a sanity that deteriorated in time,

Mom, I know I hurt you,

There are instances and impulses that I cannot predict

And maybe there is a way out of it

But I searched for bliss, trust me, I did

Yet somehow these demons kept on coming

And I don’t know how to face them anymore,

Because I can’t live with me anymore

Dear Dad,

I know we haven’t talked in a while

And maybe you think I hate you, I don’t

Even if I grew up fatherless, I understand

I always did, and I’m sorry if I never told you

How much I am hurting, I wish I did but I know you

You don’t have the time.

How I envy my brothers and sisters because they’ll

live another day to tell you the things I can never say

How I love you so, How I wished you and mom stayed

How I’m so sorry I am ending it this way.

Dear Me,

How I wish I can hug you when you hurt yourself,

How I wish I can hold you when you’re cold,

How I wish I could’ve ended my story differently

with a family, a life worth living

Without me feeling like my life is worth killing.