The Scariest List Ever Made

Decapitated heads? Yawn!

Undead Serial Killers? Snore!

A crumbling economy? Oh please!

There’s not a lot that scares us anymore but it’s safe to say that there are some things that just make your blood run cold. The true evil in the world abides not in campfire tales or the imagination of Wes Craven. They cannot hold a candle to the horrors that I am about to unleash upon you with this list. You may want to lock all the doors in your house before you read this and NEVER attempt to read this list before bed.

Here are the scariest things to ever exist:-

  1. Having To Walk Upstairs After Turning Off All The Lights Downstairs: If you want a spirit to tug at your ankles and drag you straight into the abyss, then by all means, WALK LEISURELY. For the rest of us with sense, Usain Bolt couldn’t catch us if we tried. Counting backwards in your head before hitting that switch calms your heart just enough to give you the courage to take off. Falling or stumbling is never an option if you’re trying to live.
  2. Making Your Own Appointments – Oh the humanity! “You mean I have to talk to people? What kind of amateur is he? He should know that I’m coming in, right? Can’t you just do it for me, Mom? What do you mean I’m an adult now and I need to deal with my own responsibilities? What happened to you’re the parent and I’m the child? Now is when you do your job!!!!” An advanced form of this monstrosity is when they dial the number and give it to you after the person answers but I want you to make it to the end.
  3. Ordering Your Own Food In Person – The level of fear depends on how hungry you actually are, to be honest. If you’re just peckish, then you may experience the same horror as the point above. But if you’re ravenous, what is fear? So, survival tip:- Go in starving.
  4. Making New Friends In A Strange Place – Again, this involves talking to people. How do you start doing this? People who are just able to walk up to other people and just start talking are complete psychopaths. Why don’t you send me a friend request like a normal person? Creep.
  5. Talking To New People – I have to actually carry on an in-person conversation like a savage. What does one talk about with another person anyway? Isn’t there a post I could like or something? I can tag you in this picture of me instead. Just don’t make me do words with my mouth. Please.
  6. Talking To Old People – This is open to interpretation. If you immediately thought of the senior citizens when you read it, then that is just as scary as what I actually mean. They lived in the era of the people who *shudders* make small talk. Yuck. They always have a story to share and they lure you in with the promise of strawberry flavoured hard candies. What I actually meant though was making eye contact with people you already know or calling out to them to wave hello. Too scary. My alibi is I probably didn’t see you.
  7. Talking To Your Crush – That’s enough on that for now.
  8. Eating The Brown Side Of The Banana – On the regular, you have the freedom to break it off and throw it away. But if you need potassium immediately and there’s one banana left, upon which there are at least seven big bruises from top to bottom, how many hours do you think you would survive after throwing the banana away? Yeah. I’m not eating that.
  9. Missed calls from Mom – This is a situation straight out of Nightmare on Elm Street. You know how people are afraid to fall asleep because Freddy will kill them? Even if you do survive that I don’t think there’s a force on Earth that can keep you safe from Mom. You can have a coronary with this one.
  10. No Wi-Fi – Need I go on?
  11. “We Need To Talk” – I am a part of a few writing groups and they have these fun prompt games that you can play to help improve your writing. I think this would be a perfect “horror story in four words” answer. There is nothing scarier than having issues and having to deal with them face to face with the person that you have the problem with. Can’t you just subtweet me or something?
  12. Low battery, no charger – Or worse, no charger port. That means you’ll have to *shudders* interact. Like some sort of freaking savage.
  13. Flipping Your Phone Over After It Falls – You and I both know that these days phones cost more than your life. No joke. Think about all the money that you spend on your phone from date of purchase onwards. So when your phone falls, the three seconds of pure panic that follows is absolutely horrendous. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.

Whew! That was intense. I hope you weren’t too scared, children. Go watch some cartoons if you need to and try not to dwell on the horrors within. This article is a bit short but life is happening really quickly and I am trying to pace myself. I’m trying to navigate all of it and some areas of my life are not being given as much attention as I would like.

Nevertheless, I hope this article entertained you and made you think about how, er, far we have come.

Until the next article, Ugly Readers!

 

theangrymarketer
The Angry Marketer is dedicated to assisting other bloggers to capitalize on the simple process of the Marketing Mix to gain more readers, subscribers and page views.

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