You are not the judge of me

You Are Not The Judge Of Me

When a judgmental comment makes its way to my lips and can tell the condition of my heart is failing, I reel it back in. I reel it in. All of it. Stop myself in my tracks. Those words I am ready to share do not encourage.

You Are Not The Judge Of Me

 

Judge. Judgement. Judgey Mc Judgerson.  I have faced enough judgement to last a lifetime.  Hence the reason why I am very quick to catch myself when I do it to others and knock it off.  I have this sass that seems to rest at the tip of my tongue. The kind of sass that usually resides in slumber until awakened like a beast and then attacks. What I find is that the sass only comes to life when I feel that I am being judged. Or even my children are being judged.

A close friend of mine once told me that she found it amazing that I can insult someone while smiling and they walk away maybe somewhat confused yet not fully aware that that they have been insulted. I smiled and told her I wasn’t insulting anyone. I was delivering truth.  And when I really look at it more closely, I am using my words to hurt them.

Judged.  That is how I feel. For being the Amazon child and towering over the boys at 5’10” by the time I was 12.  For seeking out the one young man I had my eye on, even though everyone knew it wasn’t a good idea. For seeking out an adult man who wasn’t mine for the taking. For going to a Christian College. For dropping out of College when I ran out of money. For marrying at the ripe old age of 19.  For working 60 hours a week.  For putting my foot down and standing up for myself.  For waiting until I was 21 to get my drivers license. For not being able to have kids. For having kids late.  For not making my kids share their toys an not making them play with kids they didn’t want to be friends with. For letting clients go that caused me great strife. For serving wine with dinner. For parenting my son differently than I parent my daughter. For not enabling my daughter to be involved in 20 after school activities. For discouraging sleepovers. For loving deeper than I should.  For having a job that might demand more than I can physically handle. For committing to too many writing contracts that keep me up into the wee hours. For saying yes first and figuring out later how I can actually do what I have committed to. For not serving wine with dinner. For wanting more of what I shouldn’t have. For loading the dishwasher wrong. For not being bothered by messy kitchen floors and fingerprints on the walls. For encouraging my kids to do things on their own.  Needless to say, I have been judged, judged thoroughly, and judged more times than I can count.

And let me tell you something? I do not care. I just don’t care.  People are rude. People are judgmental. They are often jealous or judge just to make themselves feel better.  They feel the need to place judgement to make themselves feel better about the situation that they find themselves in.  They judge because they are often lonely and they don’t have anything better to do. If I worried about every time I was judged and let it affect me, I wouldn’t be able to walk out the door each day. I would be curled up in a ball weeping.  This thick skin isn’t a wall I have built, it is self-preservation. I choose daily to pick my battles.  And dealing with the misplaced judgement of others isn’t a battle I will ever choose to fight.

And that tongue. I have learned to harness its power.  I have prayed long and hard for the Lord to tame it and harness it.  I have realized that I use it to retaliate when I feel under attack.  When I am face to face with an individual and feel they are judging me for whatever reason, I no longer fight back with equally rude words. I now state what I observe and ask questions. Just by turning their rudeness into a conversation topic, they realize their opinions and cutting words serve no purpose.  “I hear what you are saying.  Why do think that it is important to share with me that you do not like how I parent my children? Are you trying to help me or are you criticizing me and judging what I do?”  “I understand that you think I am spending too much time writing. Did you know that I write first, because I love doing it, and second to supplement my family’s income? Do you also know that many families have multiple different income streams that help make ends meet?” Or, “Thank you for sharing your opinions.  I appreciate your point of view.  I do not feel your ideas apply in this situation but I am glad it has worked for you.”

Yes.  Sometimes I offend others. I will probably continue doing so.  But I will not judge someone for doing something different than I do. I will not think that I know the best way to do everything. And I will let someone know when my feelings have been hurt. But judge them? No. Most of the time, people are not even aware that they are judging. Almost as if they fallen into a repetitive judgmental rut.  It is all they know so it is what they do.  This happens with children. Children live what they learn. If mom or dad harshly judges others, the child often continues with this negative behavior.

I still catch myself.  When a judgmental comment makes its way to my lips and can tell the condition of my heart is failing, I reel it back in. I reel it in. All of it. Stop myself in my tracks. Those words I am ready to share do not encourage, affirm, build up, inspire or speak love. Those judgmental words have no place in the conversation. And they should never assault my lips as they are being passed on to someone else. Judgment will never be a gift that someone wishes to receive.

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Kelli J Gavin
Kelli J Gavin of Carver, Minnesota is a Writer, Blogger, and Professional Organizer. Kelli’s first two books, ‘I Regret Nothing’ and ‘My Name is Zach-A Teenage Perspective on Autism’, were released in 2019. She has also co-authored 15 anthology books. Her 3rd and 4th books will be published in 2020 and 2021. Kelli’s work can be found with Clarendon House Publishing, The Ugly Writers, Southwest Media, Zombie Pirates Publishing, Writing In a Woman’s Voice, The Writers Newsletter, Writers Unite!, Academy of the Heart & Mind, Sweatpants & Coffee, Love What Matters, The Rye Whiskey Review, Spillwords, The Writers and Readers Magazine, Mercurial Stories, 121 Words, HerStry, Passionate Chic Magazine, Ariel Chart, The Basil O’Flaherty, PPP Ezine, Otherwise Engaged, Pleather Skin, Paper.Li, and The New Ink Review, among others. My Name Is Zach was awarded as one of ‘The Best Special Needs Books of 2019’ and one of ‘The Best Special Needs Books of all Time’ by Book Authority. She is also featured among the ‘101 Emerging Authors From Around the World’ with Sweetycat Press published in 2020. Find Kelli on Twitter and Instagram @KelliJGavin and explore her blog at www.kellijgavin.blogspot.com.
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31 Comments

  1. 1. Basically, never engage on online fights
    2. I have a vast amount of patience so I wont crack
    3. I never cared that much what people say, but I consider them as a comment to improve myself.
    4. Never be intimidated by them because if you do, they’ll crush you.
    5. Just ignore, that’s the best way to avoid online fights

  2. Five ways not to get angry or be involved in a non-sense argument on social media:

    1.) Apply the netiquette.
    2.) Ignore invalid arguments.
    3.) Avoid arguing with uneducated people.
    4.) Keep your privacy and security.
    5. ) Follow internet policy, terms and conditions.

  3. 1. Just don’t fight in an online platform
    2. Just ignore the hateful comments
    3. Do not fight back in case needed to
    4. Always stay calm
    5. Do not take hateful comments seriously.

  4. Here is my personal tips to avoid getting a fight on social media:

    1.) First, It comes to our self, practice the netiquette.
    2.) Second, Of course, limit the use of social media.
    3.) Keep your privacy and security.
    4.) Follow social media policies, terms and conditions.
    5.) And lastly, never argue with non-sense people with invalid arguments.

  5. My 5 ways to avoid confronting or getting mad in social media:
    1. Be a critical thinker
    2. Think before you click
    3. Be empathetic
    4. Acknowledge the issue
    5. Avoid in touch with war-freak people

  6. Alyssa Nicole Ungos
    Alyssa Nicole Ungos

    1. Avoid getting into fights in social media.
    2. Avoid getting into an argument which can lead to a fight.
    3. Always think before you click.
    4. Avoid arguing with war freak people.
    5. Stay calm. Don’t let them get into your nerves.

  7. Kenneth Ledeño
    Kenneth Ledeño

    1. Ignore the Nonsense Post
    2. Read and Follow the internet policy
    3. Stay Calm
    4. Keep your Account Private
    5. Always think before you click

  8. Five helpful ways to avoid/ manage confrontation or getting angry in social media:

    1. Think before you click or before you leave a comment
    2. Remember that you are exposing yourself to larger audience that might see what you’ve posted or what you said
    3. Ignore and don’t put much attention to posts you don’t want to elaborate and you don’t want to start fight on
    4. Stay calm, remember that anyone has a freedom of expression
    5. Check if the posts’ source is/are reliable and distributing accurate information

  9. John Carlos Rael
    John Carlos Rael

    1. Don’t make an arguments to everybody.
    2. Think before you click.
    3. Respect their post.
    4. Just Scroll down, Stay calm.
    5. Ignore the post that trigger your feelings.

  10. My own five ways to manage and avoid confronting getting angry in social media are:
    1. first of all if i don’t really want to be angry because of the none sense post that i will going to see i will not open my Social media accounts if i open it i will just browse if their is a notification that is important after that i will going to log out because for me that is the best way to avoid immediately to be annoyed by what i am going to read and see.
    2. think that we have our own opinions and thinking so as long as possible don’t interfere importantly if what you will going to say is none sense also.
    3. don’t let the topic to be debatable to avoid argument that will lead to fight.
    4. Just be wise of what you will going to reply to avoid being misinterpret by the person you will going to reply.
    5. Don’t over think this thing is the main cause why people get into an argument in just a simple post. this is the thing i really hate.
    So that’s my five ways to avoid being mad just be careful in social media, be an educated and well mannered person.

  11. 1. I think picking fights on social-media should never be an option because as am educated-person you know for a fact that you must choose your own battle.

    2. Words could be as lethal as any weapon. You must properly utilize words because it has a huge impact to someone else.

    3. People must be reminded that everyone has their own reasons and backgrounds for them to act or behave like that, judging someone on his/her surface is a very lame action.

    4. You know yourself better than others. Critiques might be useful but you should know deep inside you the true essence of your personality and you shouldn’t lose your identity on the long run.

    5. Composure is really critical. Having that sense of tactfulness is important in managing your emotions so you will not decide mistakenly.

  12. John Michael Magadia
    John Michael Magadia

    1. Think before you CLICK.
    2. We shouldn’t exposed ourselves on social media every time.
    3. Ignore all the hate comments.
    4. Don’t pick a fight on social media.
    5. Stay calm. Because the more you speak the more they rant.

  13. My 5 ways to avoid confronting or getting mad in social media:
    1. Must be a Critical Thinker
    2. Think before you click
    3. Be matured
    4. Acknowledge the issue
    5. Avoid war-freak people

    -khrysshia DOmingo

  14. Vynther Pangilinan
    Vynther Pangilinan

    1. basically, before you do some actions you must think twice of it especially tru online
    2.more and more patience especially in the situation that your loosing your temper
    3.Be observant, it could be a set up, for them to experiment you to know what is your real attitude or personality
    4.Make those negatives vibes as positive, for example they trying to make you angry then make them angry too by throwing back what they thrown to you.
    5. Be professional, always put on your mind that you are educated person, u dont have to argue to those people who are LOW CLASS

  15. 5 ways to avoid confronting or getting angry in social media:

    1. First and foremost, think before you click!
    2. Remember and apply the netiquette at all times!
    3. If you saw something hateful in social media, just report or block it or its user. Do not argue with them. The more people argue with such, the more active and aggressive they will be.
    4. Contact a person you have a disagreement with directly, or just talk to them in person. Do not post on social media about such things.
    5. Ignore unnecessary arguments. If needed to speak up yourself, stay calm.

  16. 1. Dont engage in any fight
    2. Have a long patient you need that in life
    3. If you know that it will trigger your anger dont engage.
    4. self control
    5. Talk to someone when you know it will trigger your anger

  17. I have 5 ways on how not to get angry or be involved in a non-sense argument on social media

    1. Don’t expose yourself in social media. You must have an allotted time to browse in the social media.
    2. Keep your privacy as always. Some netizens might caught your informations that will use against you.
    3. Fill your tank with patience. Netizens are always their to judge you even though you are doing right to them that’s why, using social media requires a lot of patience.
    4. Read and apply netiquttes. These will save you from anger and any kinds of harm in social media.
    5. Filter your friends in social media. They might be the cause of getting angry because they didn’t know you and they can do what ever they wanted to because it is only mediated.

  18. Tips on how to be a responsible social media user

    1. Don’t engage. Think before you click.
    2. Be an educated person.
    3. Stay calm and be confident if you don’t do anything wrong
    4. Understand
    5. Ignore if its not worth of your time.

  19. 1.) Never get affected on abusive or offensive post’s.
    2.) avoid nonsense or idiotic post’s online.
    3.)follow the simple netiquette rules.
    4.) Stay positive online.
    5.) Always think before you click.

  20. 1. Don’t mind the things/people that you know you will get angry.
    2. Don’t join fights on social media/ know your place or level
    3. Control yourself/ keep calm
    4. Think before you click
    5. Don’t public your accounts/ keep your account private

  21. Here are the things we must follow to become a responsible social media user, or we called the netiquettes.

    First, think that there are always people that will not agree on your post therefore we have to be careful what we are going to post.

    Second, choose your friends to avoid arguments. Not all people on social media likes you.

    Third, don’t please anyone because they aren’t your boss. Although you have to be careful on what we post, we should always think that it is our social media account and we have the freedom to express what we feel.

    Fourth, follow the netiquettes, you can be yourself without sugar-coating but always remember that everything has limitations .

    Lastly, patience. Have patience in everything and especially on social media and remind yourself that having an argument doesn’t make you powerful and makes you a “Patola” person.

  22. 1. Think about what you’ve posting
    2. Think if someone else what they think of you
    3. Know of your post is hurtful
    4. Know of your post in necessary
    5. Limit your use of social media

  23. Arrianne Joaquin
    Arrianne Joaquin

    1. Most important and non-negotiable of all, Avoid online fights.
    2. Don’t mind what other people say
    3. Don’t share negative thoughts in Social Media
    4. HAVE PATIENCE
    5. Mind other people’s business.

  24. 1. Think before we click
    2. Dont engage fight in social media
    3. Respect the post of individual
    4. Apply the use of netiquette
    5. Limit the use of social media

  25. 1.Do not engage yourself in any discussion that may lead you to fights online
    2.Apply and do the proper netiquette
    3. Control yourself at all times calm yourself and control your anger
    4.Never argue for something that’s not important
    5. Lastly, be a good netizen and think before you click

  26. Coloma cristian INF181
    1) show some temper
    2)dont be eaisily get upset to negativepost
    3) avoid being narcissist
    4) be considerate
    5) avoid being keyboard warrior

  27. 1. Think before you click
    2. Never be carried away
    3. Don’t involve you don’t know
    4. Secure your privacy
    5. Be smarter

  28. INF181

    Our emotions actually feeds us. It’s completely our choice which sometimes leads to wrong decisions, especially online.
    Moving, these are my ways to avoid “online confrontation.”

    First, always remember our Netiquette.
    Second, practice and try to control your emotions.
    Third, always remember that online world is very diverse. Sad to say but it is broad and complex.
    Fourth, never let anyone manipulate and control you. Just forget and ignore unnecessary arguments.
    Fifth, know your SELF-WORTH and start with YOURSELF.

    With these, you will be a more effective online social media user.

  29. Tips for you to be not angry in social media.

    1. Be Positive Thinker
    2. THINK before you CLICK.
    3. Always ignore the negative comments.
    4. Stay calm.
    5. Follow social media policies.

  30. 1. dont fight in social media
    2. read the importance in internet policy
    3. you must keep security in private
    4. stay calm
    5. think before you click

  31. 1. Try to understand both of the sides of the argument before making making a move.
    2. Don’t be affected to some silly fallacy.
    3. Be more rational than the others.
    4. Think outside the box. Try to understand different aspects that affects a certain topic on an argument.
    5. Always remember that you won’t benefit and you’ll get nothing from arguing people online.

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