Dear LOVE

Dear LOVE is a short story written and shared by Reiu Somao-I to The Ugly Writers under the theme Love for the month of May.

Dear LOVE

People told me that you are the greatest thing or power one can have. You are selfless and worth fighting for. I seek you and I wish to have you but no one told me that you are also cruel. I tried to believe in you over and over again even though all I got, in the end, were scars reminding me that you can be unfair at times.

I believed in you because I saw you in the eyes of other people, you make them happy and complete. You make them move mountains. You were wonderful until I met and encountered you myself.

At first, I tried to believe in your words. Words that made me feel important and attractive or even likable. But, it was only a facade. That’s when I knew that you are a player. You never stick to one, you can be frivolous, or you can even tie several people at the same time.

I was cheated by you. One moment I believe that I’m the only one. Another one I believed that we are good but you’re getting on good terms with others too. I thought I was done with it. But being me, I was fooled again, I thought you will save me that time, yes you did, until I learned from you that I was just a rebound. You catch me but you have no intention to keep me because you are waiting for someone else to come, and reality slapped me, it was not me.

All along I thought it was you. But, being naive as I am, I finally realized that those I’ve met were just a part of you, your counterpart, infatuation. I slapped my forehead after I came to realize that it was all just a plan to finally meet you. I almost lost my hope and then I found you.

We were so compatible. I liked the way our conversation flows, it makes me feel good. Talking to you never gets me tired. Until these feelings grew deep inside me. I want you. But that didn’t make me that desperate being a victim of your playful side before.

Alcohol never failed humans, so do I. It gave me the courage to confess to you on that night where everyone was celebrating. Indeed, it was magical. I don’t know what really happened but telling you how I feel lifted a heavy burden inside of me. You didn’t directly respond to it but the way you act and talk shows your answer anyway. I was so happy. We were talking non-stop every single day, nonsense, or even just teasing each other. You were perfect.

Days have passed and we still have those same connections. I’ve never been scared in my life for someone else other than my family. But, it was you who made me tremble and cry so much because of worry. You told me that you might be in danger because some guys were possibly hunting you. And yes, I cried out of my worries. I cried for you really hard. That’s when I realize, I have truly fallen.

I didn’t see it coming though, the day when we will grow apart. Perhaps, it was the way of destiny to tell me that I can’t have you. A dispute over our common friends emerged, stories were made, confusion spread and our link got broken. I tried to save what we have but you let go of my hands as simple as that.

Years have passed, I tried to tell myself that I’m over you, yet I know it was just an excuse. I knew deep within my heart that I still yearn for you.

I met the other you, we were good but both we always tried to hurt one another by making the other jealous. Your jealousy and mine suffocated us, then we grew apart.

After 4 years, I decided to finally give you up. I burned all of your photos and accepted that you were not going to be mine nor will you forgive me because of your proud self.

I got my second job, all is well until destiny played his game again. Yep, I found you again, this time it started when people around us started the link between us. I don’t believe in it but yes, as always, love is a bitch. You made me seek again those smiles, presence, attention, and small talks, but I gave up. Why? Because it will fall all in vain again. I confessed for the second time, as my parting message for the last day of my service at that company. Reply to you? Nothing. I got it all out from my chest. It’s good but again very painful. You were my savior but you dropped me from the heights. Great!

I’ve regained myself during my third job, I know that everything is well. But I don’t have the heart to believe in you again, LOVE. It was a bittersweet taste for me but also a poison that always gets the best of me, will leave me shattered and dying but will stop before I even die. Cruel, too cruel.

Love, I gave up looking for you. But damn, you found me. Unfortunately, it was the wrong time when you found me. It was the best recognition I got from you, the best compliment, you made me believe I can trust again. Yet, I know I can’t be with you. I can’t tell you how I feel. I noticed that my hands and feet were restrained by shackles. My lips were sealed, my eyes were blinded, my ears were plugged and even my nose got clogged for me not to breathe.

To be with you was a sin. To be with you was never a good plan. To be found by you was never a good idea, not for me, but for you. I was at my happiest time when I’m with you, but that needs to end. To be with you is impossible. To utter those words means I need to die. To tell you the truth means I need to be behind that bar. So not to go any further, let’s pretend that you didn’t see me. But I won’t forget you, never.

To this day, I am raising my white flag. Stop. I don’t want to see, feel, hear, smell, or taste you again LOVE. You are my kryptonite, or worse, you are my grim reaper.

I’m keeping my sanity, don’t make me look for you again, don’t find me again. Stop with your game. I’m tired. I’m not going to play with you again. This time, I’ve got nothing to give. This heart that you want to be turned into ashes. No, please. No more.

I hate you and I don’t believe in you again. EVER.

But…If that day will come that you will prove to me that I deserve you and you are going to stay with me at that time.

Convince me with all your might.

Don’t break me again.

Don’t betray me again.

Don’t make me doubt again.

People always say that you are worth fighting for, but, can you at least fight for me just once? Because I did fight for you, only to find myself burned into ashes.

Give some love to Ms. Reiu Somao-I by reading her previous entries at The Ugly Writers: