the ugly writers

Disconnected

The hope I kept got shattered. I regret I failed myself to the point I'm now tattered.

Disconnected is a poem written by Reiu Somao-I and shared with The Ugly Writers under the theme Infectious for the month of June

 

Disconnected

 

They say no man is an island but as I grew up it was more difficult to understand.
They hated me, they pulled my strings,
I resented them, I kept the pain that still stings.
I refined myself, proved that I have what it takes.
But at the end of the day, it’s myself I put at stake.
I lose myself. The poison grew up inside me. The trust I built and collected was drained.
I’m at a loss for words. The paralysis accumulated.
Whenever I tried to move forward, I found myself back in the startline.
And I would rely on my chant again, “Everything will be fine”
What happened to me?
The charm I had lost its powers.
The excitement to meet new people vanished.
The eagerness to tell stories became dull.
Spending time with others felt burdensome.
Yet, the feeling of being left alone was suffocating.
The pain of being abandoned when I also played a part in it was strangling.
How could I blame them when it was me who gave up on them first?
How could I say I want to find happiness with someone when I don’t put an effort?
How can I ask them to stay when I push them away?
How can I demand attention when I couldn’t give them the same?
The lies I had believed in were uncovered.
I smiled pretending I was unbothered.
The hope I kept got shattered.
I regret I failed myself to the point I’m now tattered.
I raised my white flag, waving with tears.
Living yet hiding my angst and fears.
Walking but I don’t know where to go.
Praying is the only thing I could do.
Farewell to my youthful and innocent smile.
A memory that was worthwhile for a while.
Living a mundane and monochrome adult life
I finally realized the difference between living and being alive.

 

Read previous entries from Ms. Reiu Somao-I at The Ugly Writers:

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Reiu Somao-i

Reiu Somao-i

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